Camera's not working again

So we blog! Whilst we wait and pray for the thing to cool down or shape up or whatever arcane thing this hunk of metal and circuitry needs....

Wondering about the recent Vatican document? Take a look at what Jimmy Akin thinks about it. As I find more, I'll post it.

However, since it's tech week and a busy weekend, I'll simply leave you with this for kicks and gigles: DRUDGE REPORT 2004

Mood: Sleepyesque
Music: Shrek2 - I've had De-Lovely on for too long
Thought: We are ailing....

And one more

Amen! Preach it sister!

The Dawn Patrol: "Whether one wants to be a parent from childhood, as my mother did, or whether one decides later, I really can't see any other reason to have children. It's not about my breasts, nor is it about my body as much as Planned Parenthood would have women think so. It's about my child and, where there's a daddy whose name isn't 'Donor,' our child."

All the tags: Regard below

Can we get much more sick?

More on using murder to fuel the t-shirt industry: here and here. And for a bit of Swiftian giggles - and hopefully eye-openers, take a look here.

Sad, sick, blind. Welcome to "sophistication." It's rather like those with money aren't mad, their eccentric, so those socialites such as Amy Richards aren't murderers, they're abortion cheerleaders. Normally when a murderer says she's not sorry, we lock her up and advise psychiatric care.

More than anything, I sorrow for those women who have had abortions who aren't allowed to even grieve - they're made to celebrate by those who convinced and procured for them the murder in the first place. It's rather like the Jewish lament during the Babylonian exile: (very paraphrased) They tell us sing a song of Zion - but how can we sing a song of Zion when we are so far from the Holy Land?

Mood: Nnnngh
Music: What else? De-Lovely
Tonight: Went well - alleluia. :)

So True

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.
~ Alexander Pope

Gleaned from this great article over on Not Quite Catholic But Still Enjoying It!. This quote is the quintessense of "sophistication" which comes from "sophistry" as Tom Howard reminds us. Foolishness. I'm reminded of Galatea.

I just came back from De-Lovely. Despite the fact that Hollywood still doesn't know how to film musical numbers (why don't they study the greats? Oy!), and despite the fact that it ended with a rather silly glorification-o-Cole rendition of the great "Blow, Gabriel, Blow" - I really liked the film and recommend it to others. It's been panned by the critics because, I think, it actually takes an honest look at the relationship between a man living a homosexual lifestyle married to a heterosexual woman. I was reminded of so many friends of mine who more or less live similar relationships. Entertainment Weekly panned the movie saying that the movie didn't explain Linda Porter's reasons for staying or even beginning such a relationship - but I believe EW is more upset that the movie allows a sense of mystery rather than clear-cut answers to answer itself. If anything, why did they stay together? Because they did love one another - with that love that is more than sex, more than attraction, but which is actually sacramental grace. Did they always live up to that grace? Hardly. Both Linda AND Cole are to blame for their own unhappiness: Cole because he never controlled himself enough to give himself WHOLLY to Linda; Linda because she spoiled Cole and allowed him his promiscuous lifestyle. There is no "love" in Cole's liasons (the use of "Love for Sale" during one section of such pandering is especially effective) - there is no self-sacrifice, only selfishness. The moments of true happiness for the Porters comes when they're completely honest with one another, when they apologize, when they think of the other first before their own needs. No, this isn't a perfect picture, but it is one of the better ones I've seen in a long time.

Mood: Taking a mini-retreat! :)
Music: De-Lovely - GOOD album!
Thought: I am so grateful for a particular e-mail. Thank You, God.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

I hate internal politics! I hate incompetence! Stupid stupid stupid!

Mood: Nicht so frolich
Music: My fingers, the phone ringing
Thought: [Expletive]

Und now ve kvetch!

From the continuing annals of randominity:

Pictures from MSND are actually working sufficiently (aka, only crashing my computer every once in a while!) for me to convert and save them. Yaaay! Hopefully this means webpage is on its way.

Begin runs for KMK this week. How time flies.

Teched The Boys Next Door - good times. (The show isn't the Boys of Summer...too bad. That's a GREAT title.)

Looking like Arcadia for the Autumn. Wowsers....

*singing* Where have all the movies gone? They've been tent poled every one. When will they ever learn?

There is insufficent time to do things that need to be done. Or rather, I have sufficient time...just at times other folks don't! Oy! ;P

I mentioned at TBND the other day that I thought that, really, most musicals are only "OK," and that there are only a handful of "Great" musicals. When asked to name the top five, the first was "Les Mis" - but then I stumbled for others. See, I would say the movie version of "Sound of Music" and possibly "Chicago" (ditto) are...but then I faltered. "Phantom of the Opera" is only an "OK" musical, because unless you have amazing actors, it's really just a spectacle with AMAZING music. "Sunset Boulevard" is up there, but...lacks something. "Singing in the Rain" is a GREAT musical - but again I mean the movie version, not the recent stage adaptation. "Man of La Mancha" is borderline great - if you have bad leads, it falls. Even "La Boheme" isn't a GREAT opera, although, like "Phantom" it tends to overwhelm the senses and so trick the audience (aka me) into gushing. A GREAT musical/opera is one that survives almost all performances, that makes a good point and makes it well, that has fantastic music AND plot/book...in short, that ends up being a culmination of all the arts with apparent ease.

I was about to wonder at the fact that there are hundreds of great books, but only a handful of great musicals/operas, when I realized that the reason theatre is more tricky is because you may have one part of the whole created by a brilliant musician/playwrite/director/actor/TD/etc. - but that doesn't necessitate that everything about the musical/opera is brilliant. Look at "Lion King" - Hans Zimmer's background music is GLORIOUS. But it can't drown out the rest of the drivel that is "Lion King." Ditto for the AMAZING music and lyrics for Disney's "Hunchback" - as a movie, it failed (curiously, as a stage show in Disney, it's really, REALLY good). Conversely, only Dickens or Dostoyevsky or Homer or whomever need be brilliant to make their book brilliant.

Must go in search of graph paper.

Mood: *grumble*
Music: "Close Every Door to Me" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat as performed on the Andrew Lloyd Webber Gold Collection
Thought: Je veux aller a la cinema!

The Mysteries

Of the Rosary according to Kerry...according to the Curt Jester, thanks to Mark Shea's blog.

What burns me even more than Kerry's flagrant (and imbecilic! Pope Pius XXIII?!?!?!) hypocricy is the thought of the Catholics who might vote for him because they don't know what the Catholic Church teaches. Yet another reason I'm grateful to be part of catechetics. We've had our education stolen from us; it's time to reclaim our rightful inheritance of the full deposit of faith! Who was it who said (Moliere?) that a man hates what he thinks he knows...or something like.

Moreover, there are those who are upholding the "separation of Church and State" sacred cow in this whole Kerry issue. Look, folks, before going into "separation of Church and State" the simple fact is that Kerry is going around being rather obnoxious about being a "Catholic in good standing." The simple fact is, he isn't. More to the point, he really, publically isn't. You can't claim to be something and then not be that thing. He might as well claim to be of African decent - he might at least be able to pull the "we're all from the Mesopotamian river valley" anthropology with some conviction. But when you're loudly proclaiming that you are a Catholic "in good standing" with the Church, and then go and vote against life...well, the simple fact is you're automatically NOT in good standing. Imagine a fire fighter saying that he was a great fire fighter, and then the record shows that he's wanted for arson. Yeah - it's like that.

As for the "separation of Church and State" (hereafter known as SOCAS):

1) It isn't in the constitution or the declaration;

2) It was written in a letter from Thomas Jefferson to his friend;

3) Even if we were to continue such a (technically) unconstitutional separation, how can one expect to separate the self? The self is simply a creature of both mind, body AND soul - hence matters of Church and State are inextricably linked within the self as the mind, body and soul are linked. Truly, when the soul leaves the body, we call this death. Think on that.

4) Hence, every man will, does, and should act according to his conscience. The trick is to make sure the conscience is fully formed. A baby doesn't realize that when she pulls on her mother's hair, it hurts her mom. By the time we're of voting age, we're supposed to have figured out that our actions have effects on other people. But we continually act as solipsistically as that baby: we're not the ones being aborted; we're not hurt; ergo, the baby that we're ripping to shreds is HAPPY?! C'mon America - grow up.

5) The point of the SOCAS, as far as I can see, is meant to make sure that no one Church runs the state AND (and this is the part no one likes) that the State DOES NOT RUN the Church. However, in practice, we're seeing the rights of the Church and of her faithful trampled - in the name of separation. (What was that about divide and conquor?) Kill the "sacred cow" folks - the SOCAS as it is currently practiced is killing the soul of this country - we are committing a slow, social suicide, both physically, mentally and spiritually.

6) We've been taught for the past generation or two not to "discriminate" - however, discrimination is precisely what our country is lacking. In our desire to welcome all people, we have let go of the very thing - that is our faith, bound up in hope and charity - which allows us to welcome anybody. We need the ability to discriminate between right and wrong, between good, better and best, between what will give us life and what will kill us. If "anything goes" then everything goes. To keep life, we must discriminate against death.

On a slight tangent, I was thinking yesterday (in the shower - some people sing, some people ponder) about whether it would be possible to simple find a tract of land and start a Catholic country. However, it seems that all land has been claimed in one way or another (darn Age of Exploration), hence the only way to claim land would be to attempt to make an arrangement to purchase it (a la the Louisiana Purchase) or, failing that, to declare a land for Christ...and then to defend it. I begin to understand the Revolution. Such a thing would cost life - for I do not think that this Union, anyway, much less this so-called "civilized" world would be willing to part with its land peaceably to those people they desire to annihilate - that is, people of faith. More and more, I'm beginning to feel rather like the Jews, just before the ghetto. We must stand up for ourselves, and more for the souls of each person living and yet to live. If we are silent, we doom ourselves to destruction.

Mood: Nnngh - stupidity!
Music: Gladiator - a break from Shrek 2
Yucky Days: Make me put on my contacts

KMK Photos!

Purty darn happy with several of these. Can't wait to see them in their actual costumes, rather than rehearsal clothes - with full sets, lights, etc. I couldn't resist playing with a few on Adobe - the results are apparent below. Und now ve tanz! Hectic day - had exactly one meal. Blaugh. And yet, I don't lose weight. Ah ca! Enjoy!

All the pictures can be enlarged by clicking on them.

Hey! If you're in the vicinity...why not stop by and see the show?

Played a bit with this - such as the coloring of his shirt, etc. I thought the other pictures would be better - I had one of her gripped by the arms by him, one of them pre-kiss, and of the infamous spank. The infamous spank didn't turn out right at ALL, the pre-kiss doesn't have as much passion, and the gripped arms was at a weird angle. But this...works. :) (Insert sappy romantic music here.)

Ich leibe meine gangsters. And I simply couldn't resist playing with the first picture to make the second picture.

Savvy? (Don't ask. Apparently there are now pirates in KMK....)



Mood: Accomplished
Music: Shrek 2 on repeat
Thought: WHAT am I doing up so late again?
Yaaay! Looksee!


You are LES MISERABLES. You are truly an epic
(You've been known to run almost three hours).
You tell the story of Jean Valjean, a man on
the run for the majority of his life from
Inspector Javert, and Cosette, Valjean's
adopted daughter. Using powerful ballads and
choral numbers, you guide your audience through
ther interactions of several characters, a plan
that goes tragically wrong, and a small victory
for some. You are grandiose, but in a subtle
manner.

Your songs include "I Dreamed a Dream,"
"Do You Hear the People Sing," and
"On My Own."


What Broadway Musical Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Open your eyes!

Want to know why abortion involves "doublethink" a la 1984? Take a look. Abortion effectively creates a completely arbitary "class" division which is, simply put, born solely from selfishness. Again, I'm coming to the conclusion that so-called comfort leads to more loss of life than anything else - when you don't understand suffering, when you deny it, you are more apt to cause it in other people's lives.

Mood: Belligerent
Music: HP2 - John Williams fwah!
Thought: How can we be so STUPID?!?!??

Check this out:

Regina Doman has a new book out!. For teen lovers of retold fairy tales, consider Regina's books - faboo!

Wicked late at night. Can't seem to sleep. Did a very poor mock-up of the book of Act I, Scenes 1 & 2 for Thrushbeard. Wrote another song. Am not sure if it "fits" - it's cute, though. Nice beat. Catchy. I'm just not sold on it where it currently stands in the whole scheme of the musical. *sigh* My first song I have to throw away? *sniffle*

Must - try - to - sleeeeep - - -

Mood: Quelle "mood"?
Music: Dangerous Beauty - glorious music. Silly plot.
Thought: T-minus-three-weeks!

Lord, Light the Fire Again

Last night, whilst attempting to write up the prayers/lessons re: the items we'll be processing from St. Mary's to Immaculate Conception at the last Mass, I decided to put aside all my secular music and search out Sean Forrest. Couldn't find him - but I found a CD of Brian Flynn that MJ had given me, oh, years ago, that I'd (gulp!) never opened. Needless to say, I've been listening to it on repeat since.

Now, having finished my e-mailing duties, before I block out the Act II finale of KMK (rather understated, so I'm not particularly concerned - besides which, "I Am Ashamed that Women are so Simple" has been blocked in my mind for several months, now), and whilst waiting for final editing on Brigglekin (It is done! It is done! It is done!) before sending to Arx, I find myself taking a quick jaunt down memory lane in these blogs.

In many senses, I oughtn't call them blogs - I've used this space more as a journal than as a responsible newsblog, as those others I admire do. This was brought home as I perused Jimmy Akin's blog. I am in awe of those bloggers - Mark Shea, Barbara Nicolosi, and others - who are effectively running an alternate newspaper/commentary/apologetics board all on their onesies. My hat's off. And my humility is on.

And those prayers must need be finished. Ah, sad lack of pixellated profundity!

Mood: Music - images of Singing in the Rain drift before my eyes
Music: Brian Flynn
Thought: The putting together of words well is not simplistic. Nor was this post put together well. (Nothing like a good joke....)

Why not?

Not my GUMDROP BUTTONS!!! And I do know the Muffin Man....


The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz

Hmmm...maybe it's really obvious that I've just put dinner on....


find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

Hahahhahhahahhahhahhahahah...!

Green You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Right...Josh Groban on now...haven't listened to him in a while...so - very - close - to - the - end - - - !

Mood: Ah HA! Html returns.
Music: Regard en haute.
Thunk: I am preparing and cooking dinner. This is good. Piffle to fast food via microwave!

Gonnamakeit...gonnamakeit...!
 
First: Happy Birthday to me!  Happy Birthday to me!  Oh-kay...to my journaaaaaal....  But you get the i-dee!
 
Nextly: Loverly time with Jills last night, eating talking driving talking sitting talking....  And then Jules and I went for a walk (not a welk...although that's be fare...far!...more interesting - oy, these keyboards!) today, and then to the Creamery for sundae wonderfulness and ran into Mariah from the Savoyards so we ended up eating ice cream altogether.  Thank God for unexpected (and expected!) friendly encounters.  And for downtime.  Downtime is good.
 
More or less finished "Bonjour, My Name is Firmin" through "Il est bel et bon," and so started downloading the tapes for "Frozen in His Dream."  Although the programs, etc. still have a tendency to act up.  Honestly....
 
Otherwise, I'm forcing myself to sit in this chair, in this room, in front of this computer and write!  I will finish Brigglekin come Hell or high water (or in my case, lots of random little spiders that have taken up residence in the basement apartment with me...sigh).  TODAY!  Hrumph.  Mumble grumble.
 
On a far more serious note, I was over at Mark Shea's website, perusing the daily offerings, and came upon several cloning related items.  Frightening stuff.  Take a look here and here. I need to write a story about it - hopefully sell it to a good magazine and DO something about this.  AAAAAAAAUGH!
 
I've become more and more aware of social issues, with the consequence that I feel less and less able to do anything about it.  I have come to the following conclusions: 1) I'm not God.  I can't save the world.  2) However, I have been created by God with a specific purpose in bettering His world.  3) God, as my creator, knows what He desires for me and my place in the world.  4) He gave me the desire to follow His will, and abilities that fit with His plan.  5) I am therefore called, in order to do His will, to become whom I am meant to be, and thus to aid my world, to act upon those desires that He set in my heart, and those opportunities that He places before me.  6) Hence, the use of my talents and gifts are part of His plan for the salvation of souls.  7) Rather like in theatre, there are no small parts - only small actors, so in life there are no small goodnesses - only small selves.  8) Whatever good I am called to do, I must do it - even if I never see its fruit.
 
Mood: Pas mal, merci!
Music: Gladiator, bay-bay!
Thought: Although this new "word-program-like" blogger thingy is helpful, I'm so used to html that it's throwing me off more than a little bit.

Hmmm, weird new layout
 
For posting a blog.  Not bad, just unexpected.
 
Jules' diary is locked.  Hrm.  Two voice lesson students didn't come today - hope all's well.  "Lite" Tuna is tuna paste and horrid.  Paycheck came - alleluia!  Bills can be paid.  Hanging with Jills tonight - is good.  And prayers work, God is able, and forgiveness and accord can be found.  Praise God!
 
Howsomever, it's been an odd sort of week - possibly an odd sort of month.  I feel very...at loose ends, like a marionette waiting for performance, or that strange in-between sensation of sitting at a bus station, accompanied by little else but grime.  I've been watching cars lately - or rather the people in them - and anyone I see actually outside our little cocoon houses - and thinking to myself: "The day doesn't change.  The day doesn't have feelings, or a label on it that says: you must hurry and fret, because it is the xth day of y month."  There are others passing me to whom today is lazy, expectant, sorrowful, joyful - emotions that I do not currently possess.  But there is no cosmic mandate that I must feel a certain way on a certain day - and it's helpful to look at mothers walking along with their children, on their way to no where from no where in particular, perhaps simply out to gather wildflowers or discover new kinds of frogs.  While I - zip zip zip - in my teeny, all-but-falling apart car - full of "needless anxiety" - which the priest prays we will be released from when we say the Our Father at Mass.
 
I did get myself over to adoration yesterday, or rather not adoration in exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, but rather simply sneaking into St. Mary's (good to know the code to the back door), and then down to the tabernacle in the lower church (they've removed Him from the upper church, already! :( - sigh).  I wanted to be alone so I could sing to Him.  I find I pray best when I sing.  And it was good.  Now, Lord, I need a continuance of those graces!  I'm such a foolish, weak, cowardly little thing!  I need Your strength and fortitude.  Amen!
 
And here I must zip again - to the bank - then back - then out - then back: a human yo-yo, boomerang, bungee.  Throw me and I come back to You!  And miles to go before I sleep...and miles to go before I sleep....
 
Mood: Disconnected
Music: None, my fingernails scrabbling over plastic keys
Thought: And so it goes, and so it goes....

That's it

I'm getting my sorry self together and getting myself over to a church - poss. St. B's, where they have Adoration - and I'm gonna get me some radiation therapy because a) what with the weather and b) pendular snafus and c) reading material that isn't uplifting (Wicked - I have a feeling the play is FAR better morally) and d) who-knows-whatism, I need a large dollop of grace...and sitting here in my room isn't going to give me that.

KMK going well - extremely well, in fact. I've only two more major scenes to finish, and then the finales and any touch up work. We only have one more major number to choreograph. And it looks like we might have a buffer rehearsal after all! Und den ve run, and run, and run. Sets are amazing. Waiting to see all costumes together. Folks pulling together to make my job focussed on just my job. Is good. Proud as all get out of students. Need to see some dances with focussed center lighting. Lighting/specials will be key. Need to meet with lights and sound. Must remember to bring that up to Hilary.

And muggy, yucky weather makes for muggy, yucky attitudes. I shall buy port for the wonderful set designer and cookies for my cast. And for me? Adoration - much, much needed.

Mood: Muuuuuuuuuuggy
Music: 90's rock on a station before, washer going now
Hope: Peace, love, joy, and the return of natural light. Fruits and Gifts of the Spirit, please!
Thankfulness is: Mom praying for all of us last night; Patty offering up adoration for us last night.

Blogdittyblog

More randominity as the movie file is being created.

Crewing The Boys of Summer not this weekend but next. Good show, although I don't agree with every bit of sentiment - however it's put together very well with great performances. As crew I do very little (sigh) but I get a headset (yeah!).

I'm finishing "Bonjour My Name is Firmin" through "Il Est Bel et Bon" right now. Then I'll do "Frozen in His Dream" and "I Can Show You How to Dance" which will bring me to the completed TANGO! from Bearskin. Fwah.

Listening to selections from Andrew Lloyd Webber. Catchy if frequently milquetoasty. But sometimes I like milquetoast with my music.

Good to be with the Savoyard folks again. Good to be with people. Although very weird to be doing essentially nothing - not making any decisions - not in charge of anything major - not rushing - not remembering last minute props - not fretting over lights and sound and that scene that simply never works. Whoa...dude.

Apparently, I can't plug my keyboard directly into my laptop. This is problematic. Solutions will have to be found.

Slipped into confession before Mass on Saturday Vigil. So good.

Twentysomething identity crisis...!

Isn't it odd? When I consider all my friends who are married, who are mothers several times over, I think that I am far past my prime, that I am simply an old maid with "EXP" stamped across my brow. Then stick me against theatre folk, and I'm more like a chick in a remote nest, all fuzz and no feathers. Neither one thing nor another....

The most wonderful thing happened to me yesterday. I decided to go to the Sudbury presentation of Footloose, although I don't care for the play, just to a) get out of the house, b) see someone else's work, and c) support a few Savoyards who were in it. Afterwards, not feeling particularly like going home, I decided to book it over to Framingham to Barnes and Noble, just to a) be out, and b) soak up the atmosphere. On the way over, I sang songs from Thrushbeard then, frustrated when Brosche's song STILL wasn't coming, I switched over to songs from Niamh. Generally, when I stopped at a light, I stopped singing because my windows were down and I felt rather silly. However, at one light on Rte. 9, I was at the very end of "Wilt Thou Not Wake" vocalising the instrumental ending, and I figured that no one could hear me. Not so! As the light turned, I heard clapping from beside me and turned to see this really cute guy in this car applauding and moving forward his car so he could call out to me, "Beautiful voice!" I laughed and called back, "Thank you!" and then - alas - we went our separate ways. Yeah, God, more of that, please?

Guten abend!

Mood: Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Music: Selections from Andrew Lloyd Webber
Bizarreness du jour: I'm suffering paresthesia!

I Hate Men

No, no I don't actually. But that's the song on and I had insomnia until 4 a.m. (ugh) and so I'm prone to Freudian slippers (courtesy of Kristen) at the moment...oh look! A butterfly!

Warning: This post has absolutely no depth nor content.

Look! A quiz!

Which chicago Character Are You?

Brought to you by Faytrial

My hair is wet. I have showered. My clothes are clean and currently in folded disarray on a disarrayed bed. It is raining outside. So we are all wet together.

No one's heard my song for Brosche. Yay! I'm not plagarizing!

I want a party. This is a new desire for me. A select party - but a party, nonetheless. Not a "party party" - but more like a Steubie-U party. Sigh for the put-off Steubenville Day!

Doing crew for the Savoyard's summer show. I realized it's been since FRESHMAN YEAR since I've done real crew work. Good Heavens! Good to keep one's hand in.

Rewatched most of Pirates. A few thoughts: it's better than I thought (I'm such an epiphany fish!); it's more staid than I thought; it's more G&S-y than I thought; I didn't do any major anachronisms so it's more period than I thought; IT came together and so will KMK.

This is the tenth (significant) play I've put on (excluding pageants, skit shows, farces, etc.). It is my seventh full-length play and my seventh written by someone else. It is my fifth musical/opera. It is my eighth comedy. It is my second produced-by-someone-else production. Yet...I feel like I've been doing this forever. So it's odd - frightening - comforting - to realize that I'm still fairly young with everything I'm doing. Pas mal.

Must do blocking for the Act Finales. Should probably eat at some point as well. First finish and print schedule and send off and call Moe....

Ich bin Willy Wonka.

Mood: Bizarre - it's raining outside.
Music: KMK Act One Finale
Thought: Must finish Rosary.

What's up with this?

First Blogger's being weird, then my scheduling for KMK isn't as tight as I wish it were (rewatched Pirates - if I did that, I can do this!), then I come home to find that my DV editing software isn't working...either version!!! Even after I uninstalled it, reinstalled it, did the inbetween installing of it, and turned off and on the computer multiple times! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

I'm at the point of production - the point which always falls near the midpoint - where I go: "AUGH! This will never happen." But it always happens. It always pulls through wonderfully well. So, although I'm *feeling* mopey, I'm simply not going to thoroughly concern myself. So, hrumph.

But I do wish the DV Editing program were working. It actually gets me very nervous that it's not....

Mood: Jittery
Music: I know my duty from Thrushbeard - being written mentally as I type
Thought: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! *shaking fist at the Heavens*

Laughter is:

THIS!
OOOOH! SVEN!



Mood: BWAhahhahahhahahah
Music: Ironically, "The Lady of Shalott"
Thought: I knew this postcard would come in handy when I discovered it during one bizarre trip to Innsbruck.

Happy (belated) birthday


To my book: Niamh and the Hermit.

What precipitated such solipcism? In cleaning my room, I found the copy I'd claimed for myself (it was in a bag full of my other few publications which I'd taken in to this one creative writing class I'd guest taught at school) and read the inscription from my younger self to my older self and read the first chapter and a half and looked at the date of said inscription and squinted and said: "By golly!"

So, although in half an hour I'm going to work on tonight's blocking for KMK (nearly wrote BLOKING, which I suppose is when one becomes an Englishman in a pub...), I'm going to take the remainder of this hour to write more Brigglekin for the short novella (hopefully).

In other news, I ended up giving an impromptu class to Peter and Alex (who is visiting) on reality and truth, illogical solipcism (which is redundant in more than one way), the Trinity, the soul, free will, St. Thomas Acquinas, and what it means to be made in "the likeness and image of God," winding up with a quick look at Last Things. And, as Alex pointed out, we spoke for 45 minutes! Oy! :D

Mood: Pas mal
Music: The Visit by Loreena McKennit
Explanation: The name of this blog is after a phrase - or a paraphrase of a phrase - that genius Kristen once remarked in passing. It's a lament; not a command.

Preeeety sad

That this is the third time I've blogged today. Guess I'm making up for the height of various play seasons. Anywho, I'm taking a quick break to ease my back because...

(((drumroll, please)))

I'm actually cleaning my room/apt/thingy! Now, granted, my bed is currently Covered In Stuff (TM), since it's the only really available elevated space, unless I wanted to mes up my chest of drawers, which I just spent several hours cleaning off in preparation for its big move from one wall to another and which is now happily arranged with stereo, jewellery boxes and candles. I forced screws into the wall where the chest had been and so hung up supports and a pole between them and am hanging up my clothes on this temporary closet. The good thing is that my clothes are now not folded neatly but more or less inaccessably on two bits of cardboard on my floor. The bad thing is that my back is killing me. And the light beside my desk can't filter through clothing, making the section nearer my bed a little darker. But that's OK because I have neat flower-shaped lights down that end, anyway. The thought of somehow putting a PVC or other pole up across the center of my room and then stringing it with curtain appeals once again. I may think about that more seriously - but not actually DO it for another year (presuming we still have this house - damn money!). Alas, the dust is kicking up my allergies. But all in all, am quite impressed with my single-mindedness on the task at hand and at the rearrangement of items to make All Things More Habitable. Ta.

Mood: Paaaaaaaaaaaaaain!
Music: Beauty and the Beast Special Edition DVD. However, I'm thinking of changing over to actual music or scrounging around for a commentary I haven't heard. I just finished The Mummy Returns commentary track. Not bad.
Thought: I have a LOT of candle holders....

Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Camelot has wonderful music, although its plot is still - perforce - dumb. After (finally) signing off last night, unfortunately far past the point I realized I was most likely not going to get any more writing done (although, hey, I finished 1,142 words yesterday!), I curled up in bed and thought:

"Just one more sentence, then. In my journal. Just as a prompt for tomorrow. Hmmm, and one more sentence. And an hour has passed in writing longhand! Why, oh why don't I remember that I'm working in longhand better! There is no net access in a journal! And I get to use my really nice pen and watch all the flourishes come off it! Silly Emily!"

Then I thought:

"AUGH! It's 2:30 a.m.! I - must - needs - SLEEP!"

I set my alarm and zonked out.

Only to wake again at 8 a.m.!

"Oh Frabjous Day! Calloo! Callay!"

I all but actually exclaimed. I rushed out of bed. I found my glasses. I put them on and turned around to face my other clock.

Which read 10:04.

*slump*

Apparently, while fully intending to make Mass this morning, I had somehow managed to slip my alarm over to its "set alarm" setting the entire night.

*slumpidy slump*

Which means I'll have to swallow my pride (again) and beg parental units to gently wake me each morning so that I can go to Mass with them. (They're both currently napping after the 7:45 a.m. with Father Ignatio over at St. Mary's. Mom's been taking initiative and posting Mass schedules on the doors again. Go Mom!)

So, I'm practically finished with Brigglekin, alleluia! I even got them past the point when Brigglekin throws everyone out (including poor Dwadle. I have such a soft spot for those characters who aren't as bright as their peers. I want to take Dwadle in my arms and say, "It's alright, honey! You don't have to be like them! You're wonderful and precious and a treasure yourself!" and then hug and hug and hug him. He's a fictional construct. Oh, how we fool ourselves!). So I've only got to get Brigglekin to the Edge of the World - and Dwadle will follow him, hurrah!

Lord, please change my character to fit Your will. Amen!

Mood: It's raining outside. Sigh. (Yes, that's a mood.)
Music: "The Merry Month of May" from the original stage recording of Camelot
Thought: I like my new layout. Oh! For such a library!

The Return of Captain Obvious!

Yup. Time for a layout change. :D And in other news, Dads are wonderful. And Brigglekin calls. 'Gnight!

Mood: Unfixed
Music: Wicked - but seriously about to change.
Plans for Tomorrow: Going to Mass, going with Dad to Home Depot (if open) to price doors for chez Amelie, some KMK prep stuff, other work stuff, hopefully a walk at some point.
It is a Truth Universally Known that good doors make good daughters.

Too Funny!

Check out this link: Catholic and Enjoying It!. Ah, the joys of Photoshop! And a nice paragraph located at the end of this post: EveTushnet.com.

Hung out for many many hours with Kristen yesterday. Wunderschoene. Little restaurant to ice cream to antiquing (purchasing a fur mantle!) to walking a mall (no other place to walk) to learning all the highways and byways of Conneticut to movie theatre where nothing was playing we wanted to see to Friendlies until midnight. Is good. Is gotten me thinking. Is still difficult to relate. Need doors. Cha.

About to work on Brigglekin. I'm determined to finish it by tomorrow! I've only got a little bit more to go! Woo-hoo! And my room smells like Vanilla Cookie because Yankee Candle is heaven-scent!

Mood: Swinging
Music: Some 90's music station
Thought: Melodic music is always better.
Whoa: The 17th of this month will be this journal's one-year anniversary. Dude.

A Word from

Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man:

Go see this movie!

Excellent, excellent - wonderful in so many ways. A few scenes with a bit of cheese, and an ending that I could have had answered in the next movie, but with those very minor complaints, this was just WONDERFUL.

And in the file of lines which ought to have movies made around them (aka note to self):

Woman/NOW Member(?)/Sometime Lesbian(?) who just recently had an abortion: Shut up! Shut UP! You can't understand. You weren't there. I had no choice - don't you see? I had no choice.

Fiance/Friend/Father(?): You had no choice. He smiles, but only as a reflex. There are no tears in his eyes yet. That will happen later, when he can think again. No choice. And here I thought that's what you were fighting for.

Mood: Gut - Galatea-y
Music: Amelie - so many problems with the movie, but pleasantly existential music. Love dem French!
Thought: Must - write - screenplays!!!

And one more

I took a quick sneak at Eve Tushnet's blog and ran across this: EveTushnet.com (look towards the middle/end of the article, re: the Onion et al).

Way back in Sophomore year (I believe) of college, in my Great Books Class, my professor made the startling (to me) comment that we hadn't been living in a true republic since the 1930's - that we were slowly slipping towards a totalitarian government. A few years more grown up now, looking at the recent judicial rulings (quite out of bounds), even in this post-Clinton age, I am finding to my horror that this statement made eight years ago is true.

But who rules us? Who governs us?

Certainly, not We The People. Whether through indifference, apathy, business, or fear, We The People have gagged ourselves. Whether through the same, we have handed over Positions of Power (TM) to the "best of the worst" - rather than holding out for the best of the best, or forcing through the best of the best. We have forgotten that the power DOES lie in our hands - that we are not bound, Communistically, to two nearly identical candidates, that we can, in fact, write in who should lead us.

But even worse, we have forgotten how our government works, how it was set up. We have abandoned the checks and balances, and instead follow like the people of Hamil, whichever Piper plays the loudest. And we are losing our children. (Good God! This needs to be a play!) Have the courts stepped out of bounds? They, even more intimately than ourselves, know that they have. And yet We The People simply bow our heads and shrug and say, "Well, what can we do?" Abuse of power is in obvious display, an oligarchy is setting itself up, and We The People bovinely submit.

WHY do we submit? Why do we say, "Ah well"? Very simply: because we have been submitting to a dictatorial rule our whole lives.

Let me 'splain. (No, there is too much: let me sum up.)

On the spiritual level, naturally, we are alas subject to the "sins that flesh is heir to." Every man must struggle with this: will he die to himself to rise with Christ, or will he become the miserable Dorien Grey, trapped by his own selfishness? Every time, every place, has dealt with means whereby on both a spiritual, physical, and mental level a man might rid himself of his own sinful tendencies and work towards the virtues, which is true freedom. He is given duties, responsibilities, he is made aware that he is not alone in the world, that each of his actions has a consequence. He is taught, in fact, how to think of someone else's good before his own, and thus learns how to think of good at all. He learns to sacrifice.

On a practical level, we have allowed with the rise of industrialization, with the greater socialistic state, and with the rise of "screen media" (TV, cinema, computers) to take the place of actual *thinking*. We discover that we don't have responsibilities: a machine will take care of it, the state will take care of it - we only need to turn on a screen to be entertained and life takes care of itself. We have systematically rid ourselves of imagination - even solipsistic imagination - and made ourselves into a culture wholly dependent. Independence Day is another opportunity to shirk responsibility, feel vaguely patriotic, and be entertained. We vacation from vacation. We are ourselves vacated.

However, in this particular election year, I find that the media and the state have never been - to my mind - so closely aligned. "Farenheit 9/11", "Hunting the President", "Bill Clinton: My Life", TIME articles on "What would Kerry be like as President" (before he's even been named the official delegate!) - this isn't a campaign, it's propaganda, pure and simple. It doesn't appeal to the intellect, it appeals to the torpid emotions that lie dormant, shrivelled within us. These crafted images and words make us feel "alive" because we feel some stirring of vestigal humanity - and so grateful are we for the momentary release from soma that we ally ourselves with our keepers without ever questioning their control over us at all. They tell us: "You are independent free-thinkers" and dutifully we reply in kind, "We are independent" - thereby closing the locks that bind us once again.

WAKE UP! WAKE UP! We're lost in the poppy fields. We are sleeping through life. We grasp death as the only relief our poisoned minds can comprehend. We fear true liberty - we fear being unshackled - we fear stepping from the cave - we fear being real - we fear life - we fear ourselves.

WAKE UP!!!

Mood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!
Mood: Wicked
Gratitude is: The paycheck coming in time for rassin-frassin bills
Determination is: This whole thing is SO going to happen in Elspeth, when Kian runs Poityr out of the government. Hrumph!
Frightening is: 1984 and Brave New World happening.

I know it isn't the weekend but

For some reason I'm feeling particularly relaxed. Thank You, God! So, I'm moseying through the blogsphere and I come across this: Sed Contra: Empty Cradles On A Global Scale. FWAH! Take that Zero-Population I-doits! (Neener neener) You know, though, it doesn't take much to mathematically arrive at this conclusion - the truth, the facts are so obvious, that the only staggering thing is that we keep buying into these Culture of Death myths. *sigh* We're culturally no better at how reality works than little children who honestly believe that their siblings are found under cabbage leaves or are brought by the stork...we've forgotten how humans work. And once again, I am forced to confront why I like fantasy: because when done right, it is reality.

Mood: Scrivverly
Music: Secret Garden
Off to: (See the wizard! No, no) Futz with the schedule and make it PERFECT.
Wish I were: Writing
Will be: Seeing Krissy-tina Saturday! Oooh-de-lailly!