The sporadic ramblings of Emily C. A. Snyder - devoted to God, theatre, writing, and much randominity.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

Host: "Hamlet to Hamilton: Exploring Verse Drama" | Founder: TURN TO FLESH PRODUCTIONS | Author: "Cupid and Psyche" "Nachtsturm Castle" & Others | Caitlin O'Sullivan in "The Ghost Ship" (Boston Metaphysical Society)

Sunday, September 28, 2003

What is blog doing?

I went to check my August 2003 entries...and they're all eaten (with the exception of four or so). What's up with this!??!?!? I am doomed to lose all journals. (Sorry, this has happened in a different form before. My entire senior year of high school is now lost inside a dead harddrive. Gah.)

Visited Aunt Clarisse (aka Sister Mary Beata) today. Eight hour trip or so down and back, one hour visiting. It was good to see her, but the poor thing is so old and tired. We quite tuckered her out! And now I am tuckered out. Ah well. Thank God for Crimson Pirate music and other Celtic folk-y stuff. We hates rain, precious. And backed up traffic. Ah ca!

[Edited to add: And now I'm completely turned around! Somehow it's all back! Thank you God! (I guess republishing the entire site works...!]

[Edited to add more:] Some good links for today. The new movie Luther is now released. Apparently well-made, and just as apparently egregious in its attempt to villainize the Church and rewrite history to make Luther into a flawless man, not to mention the perpetuation of misunderstandings, the consolations are these: 1) at least Hollywood is now attempting to do Christian films well, and 2) regardless, most critics aren't buying the film because of Fiennes' (Joseph, alas, not Ralph!) mono-facial expressions. Mark Shea has linked explanations of Purgatory and Indulgences - the two sources of misunderstanding mentioned in the film.

Also, an interesting secular testimonial about the effects of having an abortion upon the couple. Want to truly care about the "health and happiness of the mother?" Encourage her to have the child. Encourage chastity in all stages of life.

Mood: How were my entries eaten?
Music: Sleeping Beauty emanating from upstairs
Thought: I am glad to have Thrones, Dominations, even if it isn't authentic Sayers.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Preach it, sister!

I found Holly Lisle -- Real Writers ... BOuncE this today, whilst browsing. Looks like I'm not the only one disgusted by this country's treatment of caucasian males! Gah! Let's discriminate against white males because...they're white MALES! Sick, sick, sick.

Had a mahvellous day aujourd'hui (sp - been a while). Went out with Ch. as a "pick-me-up" for both to Chinese, Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum, confession and mass at St. Ignatius at Boston College, ice cream and then back home for me! It is good to escape everydayness. And mass and confession were EXCELLENT. Except that the priest was a visitor to the parish, I'd be tempted to drive down to "St. Iggy's" every Sunday.

And now? Je suis fatigue. Off tomorrow to visit Aunt Clarisse (Sister Mary Beata). Pray the rental car doesn't get a flat!

Mood: Sleepy. Happy sleepy. It's been a while since I can say I am simply, simply happy.
Music: None at present. May go to do my Evanescence workout in a second. Gorged today more than usual. >nnngh<
Thought: Orange M&M's. Yes. Many.

Friday, September 26, 2003

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Season = Autumn
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

~*~


Right, now that I've gotten that out of my system, it's time for Emily's Epiphanies:

1) It is possible to make friends at work. It is possible to make friends outside of the third grade or college. This is a good thing. And friends slightly farther away are having a housewarming, and this is also good. But I am grateful, grateful to God for something a bit more daily. Makes one think of the Lord's Prayer, non?

2) I love singing into microphones. Although I have a tendency to pop my P's. I love it - I love it! The sense of resonance, the ease and grace, the >insert Tim Allen chortle< power of even the softest notes. It allows for dynamic. And to sing to accompaniment (sp? - too late at night! Oy!) of piano and violin! Heaven! Even if it is only for a rehearsal for mass, and I won't be the one belting into the mike at the actual mass. Which brings me to....

3) Mass with the new Archbishop Sean O'Malley (wooHOO! :D:D:D) on Monday. The Gloria chosen for us is all but unsingable, but everything else is faboo. Even the obligatory "kiddie" song - it has potential for descant and alto harmony to a Jamaican beat. Although >sniff sniff< I've lost two of my singers who are really good. Bah. Perhaps we can weasel them back.

4) We hates playing phone tag, precious.

5) Light peach-fuzz hair on arms reminds me of The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. One wonders, if properly backlit, if they help with a "halo" effect on-camera?

6) Four-hour-long drama meetings for Pirates, no matter how convivial and necessary are nevertheless KILLERS on school nights. Slightly better are hour and a half pep rallies at the high school, where my Juniors SO deserved the Spirit Stick.

7) I need to get out more. I'm concerned that my Juniors were gypped of the Spirit Stick.

8) Fortunately, I'm whizzing down with Mom and Jules to Tarrytown, NY on Sunday to visit my 102 year old great aunt, Sister Mary Beata of Maryknoll. I'm so looking forward to seeing her! It's been two years for me. Not only is it wonderful to visit a living saint, but I love the motherhouse of Maryknoll. It's so peaceful and beautiful there. Why, why do we avoid making beautiful things in America? Gah.

9) My sister is being evil. She nearly made me delete this pst - HELP I"M BEIMNG ATTACKED! SHE IS TICKLING AND HUGGING EME AAAAAA! hrumph Julie is the devil. I cower / kl eeemily can't spell when she's in distress! hahahahahahaha! I am the Evil- ovenhead! FEAR ME!!!! MWA--HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (Yeah, that'd be Julie typing with her NOSE! after the triple eeee's there. I've been spared by the arrival of Peter. NEENER!)

10) It is odd when one's worlds collide. Not the imaginary ones - those actually arrange themselves quite prettily when they collide, and make interesting bits on maps. I mean the real ones. At the pep rally, I'd forgotten that Trav would be there to support his sister until he came over as I was busy subduing (haha) Juniors (a losing battle ;). There was a moment of "sway" from both of us as we were about to hug - the way we've greeted each other - the way the cast of Bearskin has greeted each other - for the entire summer...and then a "sway" back as we realized that although we viewed each other as fellow Bearskin-ites, the Juniors behind me would be very surprised to see their Religion Teacher hugging the Senior Class President's younger brother. Gah. Rachel was there, too, and we suffered a similar "sway" moment. I'm not upset at the roles which exist for myself or for those with whom I've worked. It's good to be seen as the teacher, as the student. It's good to be seen as the director and as the friend. It's really the essence of "to everything, there is a season" (no pun intended re: the quiz! ...really...). But it IS odd to have a switch of roles without warning. I must put it in a book somewhere. It's already showing in Elspeth (le sigh, le swoon - "You confuse me, Elspeth!" Narf narf!). [Huh, that makes it sound like Elspeth's expecting. Tangent from tangent from tangent. Sometimes the Road Less Travelled is best left alone.]

11) Missing plugs make me frustrated. Searching around this area whilst trying to think and metal things are being pushed around by grumpy fathers makes me feel uncharitable. Ugh. Praise God for fathers willing to search for things! Shame on me for being so selfish.

12) Nipped in the bud (one hopes) any thoughts of my students that I, personally, am in charge of Judgement. I hope I've gotten it through their brain that I can't condemn anyone to hell. I can point out when they've sinned (if I know about the action), and encourage them to seek God's forgiveness by confession, but as for that final moment? Nope! This is in response to someone apparently saying that he (she?) had to be "let out of" receiving confirmation because "Miss Snyder said I'm going to Hell." GAAAAAAAAAAH! Well, hopefully we've cleared that up. And also talked (again and again and again) about God's mercy...AND about the four (or five, really) last things.

Honestly, it's so important to understand the nature of Purgatory (see here and here). It's so important to understand that Death and Judgement aren't pass/fail. Because if God were to be utter justice without mercy (which He isn't), then I can think of only two people within my living memory who ought to go to Heaven - Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II (well, and my great-aunt Sister Mary Beata!). All the rest of us, myself included - if God is strictly pass/fail - would deserve to go to Hell, most likely. But God gives us the opportunity to be purged of our sins even after death, should we throw ourselves on His mercy. Only when I understood this doctrine - somewhere in my Sophomore year of High School (I don't remember how I knew it; we didn't discuss death much in the house and my parents were still learning about the faith - or the DEFENSES of the faith more accurately) that I stopped fearing death. I hope my students will be able to understand that Christ's mercy extends even after death. But I hope more that they will strive to make this earth their purgatory, to make themselves clean HERE to be worthy to enter the throne room of Heaven, to hear the words from their Father, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I hope they accept Christ's sacrificial graces. I hope I accept His graces!

Some days are easier than others. Sometimes the days that are the worst are the days I remember to throw myself on His goodness. Thursday, when I was accosted first period with the news that the phone call from the frantic parent had been made, I had ten minutes before my next class to run up to the Church and literally throw myself down before the Blessed Sacrament. Would that I remembered to do so always! Gah - one of the most wretched things about our fallen state is the ability to forget our good works and rely on good intentions. "I'll pray for you" is never accomplished. Night time prayers go vaguely mumbled. Ah, Lord! I need an infusion of You!

(But I'm going to vigil Mass tomorrow! Alleluia!)

13) On a completely different note, the tenth book of A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket came out this week. Good stuff! The plot and mystery thicken and I'm only frustrated that there are only three more books and the mystery's not yet solved! Aaaaah! One hopes that Snicket (aka Daniel Handler) comes out with more interim books a la The Unauthorized Autobiography in order to flesh out his world more. I'm not entirely sure if I'd want him to reveal all of his plot or not - the detective, snoopy part of me says, "Spill it, Snicket" - but the artistic side says, "It would be more fitting to the series were some things to remain mysterious." We'll see what Snicket/Handler ends up doing. He's done a fair job of integrating the first four books into the mystery that really takes off in book five - esp. making reference to book two. However, it's my eddikatyd gest that he hadn't come up with the full mystery until book five and is now retrowriting. I don't mind. It's a fabulous series. And the latest book has terrific morals about turning the other cheek and doing what's right EVEN IN DESPERATE SITUATIONS. (HP, take note. ;) Must do up review. Will be glowing.

14) Aiden's story is coming along. I had thought it was going to be short, but now it's looking like it actually will be a novel after all (like I'd originally suspected). No fear - it's fun to dig into Liadan, and the heartless Aiden. (Or is that the heartless Liadan...?) I knew there was more when Eamonn, the Lord of Liadan, ended up having three children, and the youngest daughter decided to go all Morgan Le Fey a la Sir Gawain and the Green Knight on me. She still doesn't have a name. I don't think she'll give it until she creeps into Aiden's room that evening - a few scenes away from where I am at the moment. Anywho, in the nonce I'm whipping up a prose poetry "short story" form of Elena and Oisin. Turns out Elena refused to speak for years. That's interesting. However, I have to make sure that it all fits what's written about it already. Not too difficult - it was just wandering off a little in the last few paragraphs I was attempting this afternoon whilst babysitting another class during my >mumblegrumble, ahwell< free period. I'm doodling portraits of my characters in the margins. This is a good sign.

15) Gee, this is a long list! Did I mention Evanescence is fabulous? I'm enjoying putting on their CD and dancing about to the first few songs (after which I'm usually tuckered out and quit in favour of the computer and business). No, I'm not a choreographer! (Note to self: must strengthen right leg to lift/kick and left to support.) Now, if only my knees were better and I weren't quite as afraid to go down on them in the middle of a song. I wonder how limber I'll end up being when I've shed these miserable pounds?

16) Water is good. So are frosted covered animal crackers. Which I've eaten too much of. Keep limberness in mind. Go drink more water.

17) I am glad that Roc's Salon is so quick about walk-ins. I am fond of hot wax. I never thought I'd say that. But what oddness that we submit to pain for the sake of physical beauty...but not to suffering for the sake of spiritual perfection? Duh! Hmmm, I'll have to bring that up to the Seniors - we're doing suffering and Last Things with them next. Right after their Nicence Creed quiz on Monday - bwahahahhahah!

18) How quickly our thoughts go from the mundane to the eternal. One fellow on the CGF is trying to figure out how to combine the two in his writing. I guess I'm not entirely sure what to respond. That's what life IS. That's what the Incarnation was - the marriage in Jesus the Christ of the "mundane" - the common, the every day, the earthy - to the eternal, the divine, to God. So what's the question in writing about it? For the fantasy writer, this IS the one part where we "write from what we know."

19) I must procure a copy or three of Sean Forrest's book for myself and for a student or two. I lent Rome, Sweet Home to one of my students today - such an amazing book. It's been a real treat to read testimonies, esp. of converts - I understand my own faith so much more by reading about theirs. We are a story people. This is how God created us. So the stories we tell each other, the stories of the saints, the parables, and the Greatest Story of All inform us, build us, guide us, inspire us, goad us, heal us, and give us lasting hope.

20) Today is the Feast Day of Sts. Cosmos and Damien. Yee-HAW! St. Francis is just around the corner and St. Padre Pio was just this Tuesday. Woo-HOO, Franciscans all the way! >putting down my flag now and quietly backing away from the computer<

Bueno sera!

Mood: Complacent, quiet.
Music: Loreena McKennitt's The Visit
Thought: "How good it is to be here, Lord!"
Funny Link: Can you read the following paragraph?

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? "

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

I weep for costumes!

How beautiful are the fabrics I bought tonight!
Ah! *swoon*
I bow before sequins and glitter
(tastefully done)
And sheer, sheer material
Incandescent
Blue and green and purple, too
To match the gold and leopard skin
Of Theseus and Hippolyta
Ice Queen Titania
Ill met by moonlight by
Oberon of the autumnal cloak
All is well!
Fairies are the forest,
Amongst whose branches
Lovers may be lost.

Bad poetry, but Love Labour's Lost is on. :) Off to look up costume patterns! It is good to give up things. It is good to have impromptu parties. It is good to take the long way to a store. It is good to give tests adn grade them quickly. It is good to color code one's Shakespearean lovers!

Mood: Well. Tired.
Music: "I won't dance" a la Branaugh!
Thought: I can't stand this keyboard - it's creaky. But I love Sh.'s dialogue!

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Or. Not.

This is how I feel:





Click on the image to see it enlarged


Yeah. Just like that.

The so-called "techno-wizard" (aka Gypsy) coming all dripping of sugar and acid to sweettalk myself into believing that they've done the best they could, while I sit in abject squalor, gazing on the spectacle with utter disgust.

Please pardon my cruelty to punctuation below.

What the )(@* do these @*#)&%(* think they're %!*&#$^ing doing?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? Is it sooooo very much for a computer, covered under warranty, to be repaired as promised? Would it not be wiser to just (#@*%&^ing fix the stupid thing ONCE rather than creating unpaid work for themselves by giving me too small, third hand harddrives that CLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

}{@P#%&* it.

We are #$^*& not happy.

Mood: Hah. Yeah.
Music: Haunting You by Evanescence
Thought: OK, God, I know there's a reason for this. There's got to be a reason for this. I know this is part of Your plan and that You've got everything under wraps. I know You told me to rely on You the other day. Well, I am relying on You, and You've got to come through on this! It's not the end of the world - no, not by any stretch of the imagination. But, Lord, You've been so bountiful with everything else, why are You letting this particular project be plagued? I know, I know - for Your greater glory. And You gave back tenfold to Job, and so who am I to argue about a computer? But Lord, Lord - I admit, You're greater than the earth, You're greater than the monsters of the earth, You're greater than all these petty Leviathans - then show Your might, God! Give me peace and patience and all good things. Come upon me Holy Spirit, I need Your gifts right now. Mary, teach me how to submit to God's will. Saints and angels (and any heavenly techies!) pray for me! I give up. Again.
For my reference: Eve Tushnet on SSM debate.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

It's (still) aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!!!

I returned home to discover that my computer had come...and gone. With the FedEx man. Who didn't find us at home, so left a note to that effect. Fortunately, I called FedEx, they told me how to get to the office in Framingham, and I sped off and waited patiently for the wonderful FedEx guy to find my package and deliver it to me. And now >sob< here I sit, with my restored computer!

Of course, now I've basically got to upload everything back onto it - and try the DVD player, just in case - and try the editing systems, just in case, and....

WE ARE HAPPY! :D:D:D

Mood: FWAH! FWAHFWAHFWAH!!!
Music: Evanescence Fallen - really good
Prayer: Mozart's Alleluia!
Edited to Add: THE DVD CONNECTION IS WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes, that's a lot of exclamation points!)

Editing - here I come!

Monday, September 15, 2003

In the Interest of Sharing the Wealth

or at least the haphazard observations of my few experiences with publications, I've put up a link to my hand-out for tomorrow's class on publications. It can be found here.

Mood: Bed, bed, I want to go to bed. My head's so heavy, yet I have to find the pilloooooow! Sleep, sleep, I'll need more sleep tonight - be-fore-my-al-arm-wakes-me-up in-steeeeeeeeead! I could have sleeeept all night, I could sleeeeep iiiin all day, and never ask for more! I could have curled up tight, and traded day for night, if my job were more a bore. I'll never know why I stayed up so this evening! When all at once, the clock struck twelve! I only know that sleep keeps on eluding me! I want to sleep, sleep, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! ...some...moooooore....
Music: Wuh? Music? >fumbles in the dark to the CD player<
Hurrah Moment: I found Maskerade by Terry Pratchett! I thought I'd lost it! Hurrah for bookshelves where one finds books!

High Heels and Pedestals

I was at mass yesterday which was said by an interim Franciscan (I guess Fr. Larry's on vacation?) who did a fine but not spectacular job with the sermon. Which is to say (sorry God!) my mind wandered in and out of what he was preaching. (Fortunately, EWTN came through for me again, and I was able to tape - and thus show to my kids - an awesome sermon on yesterday's feast, the Triumph of the Holy Cross.) And this is what my mind wandered across:

I wonder if I could get away with wearing heels tomorrow to work?

Fortunately, this question was quickly eclipsed by an interesting insight into "My Year of Heels" vs. "My Teaching in Flats." Let me 'splain.

When I was working in Cubicle World for that first year out of college in 1999-2000, I was very keen to look professional and thus trick somebody into giving this poor lout a job. So I went out and purchased a few pairs of sturdy (note sturdy!!!) heels which I then wore more or less every day to work. Although, granted, towards the end I became more and more sloppy - the whole "we embrace all clothing" diversity thing was chic at the time, as were wearing jeans to work. And I was going crazy - seriously, and rather frighteningly...I needed some escape. But in the beginning it was all matching suits and heels. The only way wearing heels was possible in Cubicle World was that I didn't stand much. I basically came in, flipped on my computer and STAYED there with occasional bathroom breaks or runs to my boss's office to print off HIS e-mails. I was the poster child for a sedentary life.

The next year, I went into teaching. The heels came off after that first day. And I've been wearing flats every since. (Indeed, now I have to wear flat orthopedic shoes. Gah.) Why? Well, I'm on my feet all day with occasional half-hour breaks for my free, my study and lunch. But more or less I've joined that group of world-champion standers (and bladder controllers, but that's another story....;).

I can guarantee you, my new job is far more rewarding than my old. In fact, the comparison isn't fair whatsoever. My old job offered no rewards except perhaps a need for a slightly improved padded cell. My new job offers life. (Hmmm, spiritual application there, too? =)

But I was thinking, then, about why women feel compelled within the "workforce" to wear high heels, while those women who are actually doing something wear far more sensible flats. Really, I thought, those women in heels are putting themselves upon a rather fragile pedestal, it's a shoe born of desperation, leverage born of Aphrodite masquerading as Athena. Whereas the flat is sensible, agile, able to leap obstacles in a single bound, giving of comfort and stability. It doesn't grasp at success, it simply stomps up to what it needs. The heels mutilates the foot out of all reason, it offers a false height, it does not liberate but makes one's being tottery. The flat grounds one, becomes invisible in its support.

Me? I'm a flat. (In fact, if I had my druthers, I'd be a Berkenstock, but that the heel supports look really funny in them.) Break off my heels, please! If I'm ever deserving of a pedestal, I'd rather not run the risk of falling off!

Mood: Need to finish that bit about women priests, and grade some more papers, and write part two of Aiden, and reassemble my closet, and....
Music: Chieftans 8
What Made My Day: Driving with Mom to pick up my car - loverly, placid conversation
What Ruined My Day: Not being able to get to sleep easily last night, and then waking up to horrible dreams that I had to convince myself didn't happen. I hate those.
What Will Make My Tomorrow: I get to present to the creative writing class some tips on getting published! Woo-hoo! :D:D:D

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Words spill across my page
Like footprints of another age


Hmmm, wish I had a poem to go with the rest of that! Rather Macbeth-y, but the wise man steals from geniuses!

I must go grade, and so the continued defense will need to be put off until tomorrow or whenever I have time to sit down and really blog, but for now I will dance an exhausted but happy Snoopy dance because I have written, precious, I have written, and it is good to write, oh ever so good!

The short story form used to really elude me. It's a terrifically difficult form, the equivalent of a sestina in prose. (A real sestina, that is. One that rhymes, makes sense, uses iambic pentameter, and doesn't cheat on the ending words! Hrumph! Sestina purists of the world unite!) I'm still working on the form, but I've certainly improved - at least, improved enough to make my short stories salable, even if they aren't all Hugo-worthy. Anyway, ArxPub, my wonderful publishers, puts out a yearly promotional zine and asked if I could whip up anything. Fortunately, I had a many-times rewritten first chapter that was going nowhere because...ta DAAAAA! It's a short story, not a chapter I. Now that my imbecilic author self has realized what it was all along, it's coming along fabulously, of course.

And it's so good to stretch those creative muscles, to come up with a map of the grounds of Liadan, and names for its various bits and pieces and environs, and to play in that whole world again. It's also incredibly helpful because the story is about King Aiden, who is Gavron's father - and since I'm doing the Gavron novel next, I'm finding that this short story's working as "backstory" for me! :D Hurrah! That, and this story ties into Graithne from Niamh - I think Eamonn, the Lord of Liadan is her...grandfather? Great-grandfather? Yeah, I think that's it. So you see how Liadan is going downhill even in Aiden's time, which explains why Graithne's whole story turned out as it did. (No, Graithne's story isn't in Niamh - it is, I think, it's own story. Personally, I'm looking forward to Liam kicking some Liadan derierre! FWAH!)

Right - any sense made of that? Most likely not! Nutcase I am - and teacher with papers to grade. Hmmm, could I put on West Side Story and grade at the same time...?

Mood: Content
Music: Faire Celts, "Can You See the Border" - blaugh track. Will have to skip ahead to "I am Going to the West."
Desire: To choreograph a ballet a la An American in Paris. Oh, and begin that screenplay that I came up with in the shower this morning, tentatively called The Longest Road. Hurrah! Projects galore!
Prayer: Keep me humble, Lord. And could you return my laptop to me?

Before I lay me down to sleep

And before I take up my essay again in tomorrow (today's) post, a moment of contemplation.

1) Shadowlands is a beautiful movie. It is poignant, sad, charming - and an examination of true love. "The pain you feel now is a part of the happiness you felt then - that's the deal." To be alive is to feel. To be alive is to know that this life is NOT all, and that people will be called to that other life before you. So to sorrow is a form of love. Just as Christ's suffering stemmed wholly from Love.

2) Staying up late with one's sister and mother is wonderful. As are cheese-its. As is Julie's sewing, and Mom rewriting Bearskin to "My Little Buttercup."

3) Having never kissed off-stage or outside of an unfortunate incident in Paris, I've no idea if the following is true. However, since it includes a pretty picture, I will post it:

entrancing
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

In fact - despite that half the beauty is because of the paleness of the lighting and their skin, and the frail pink transluscence of their half-shell eyelids - the main beauty comes from the fact that it looks so very much like the breathtaking statue of Cupid and Psyche.



Although these aren't poor either!



4) And now to sleep, perchance to dream!

Mood: Gently drifting into sombulance
Music: Faire Celts in a minute
Tomorrow: Mass, correct papers, write a bit more in Aiden, write a bit more here

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Ooooh, I love my scaaaaaaawf!

It is so waaaaaaaaaaawm
And fuzzyyyyyyyyyyyy!
If I could find a maaaaaaaaan,
Who is wike my scaaaaaaaaawf -
I would mawwy him
And he would keep my neck waaaaaaawm!

~ Courtesy of Mandy in Austria seranading us all in impromptu baby cat singspiel.

I have found Thisbe's costume. Pity the poor wretch who is cast.

Actually, I should say that Julie has discovered his costume. It looks like so: a polystyrine-pseudo-silk lilac bridesmaid's dress whose recent incarnation is a sleeveless A-line jumper, under which is Julie's one-sleeved mock-up bodice of her current project done in an ever-so-lightly faded pink patterned ex-bedsheet, the sleeves of said bodice are 1) non-existant and 2) huge and flowy. Added to this are the following accessories: two gloves, mismatched - one made of lace that would grace Cyndi Lauper's 80's gear and the other gleaned off of Anastasia's elegant hand when she went to the Opera Paris. Also, a psychedelic rainbow-striped two inch wide elastic belt that snaps together with a wilting red rose. Two hats: one a matching lilac stuffed tube garlanded with flowers and lace that flow down the back, and the other a rather beaten electric pink pointed little girl's "princess" hat also with lace down the back and a tendency to flop over a la the Smurfs. But since this IS a part played by a man who has "a beard coming," he will manfully ALSO wear his trademark red plaid scarf tied Pippin-like around his neck. And to make fun of myself, we will finish off the ensemble with a red plastic mask that tends to glitter a bit. I do not think I will make him wear heels or even slippers. I may however ask how the actor feels about tie-died fuzzy Monsters Inc. slippers.

Bwahahahhahahha.

But hey, it's all in a good cause. I end up actually making this character heroic - since Quince's neice (an addition to the script) will "save" Flute/Thisbe just as he's about to storm off after "these cowslip cheeks." She'll come on and finish Thisbe's speech to Flute (as though HE were Pyramus), and whilst speaking sort of transform him back into a man - indeed, transform Flute into Romeo and herself into Juliet. Then she will die in his arms. And during Robin Goodfellow's subsequent speech when he says "Give me your hands, if we be friends"...? I plan to have Flute and Quince's neice picking up the discarded props during his speech, and then Puck puts their hands together at that point and they look up and freeze, aaaaand, "Robin shall restore amends." Lights out. Enthusiastic cheers!

Saw Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Blaugh blaugh blaugh blaugh blaugh. To see my quick review, click here. On the upside, it was a nice cold night so I had an opportunity to wear my new turtleneck, it was loverly to treat myself to a movie since it's been a while (for me), and even loverlier was that Jules went with as did Ch. and afterwards all out to MickyD's for more chatting, esp. re: Catholicism (duh). Which brings me actually to the blog I meant to do last night and two nights ago and found that I was either a) disgruntled due to an unfortunate e-mail received or b) plain old wiped to do justice to the issue. I shall attempt to do at least a modicum (sp?) of justice to this isssue now.

Why can't women be ordained priests?

Before I go any further on the subject, let me offer the following credentials:

1) I am, myself, a woman. A woman in the workforce, a woman with a career, a woman who is pretty darn happy about both. But also a woman who does not deny her femininity and if God so desires to grace me with husband and a gaggle of kids, will trust that He will also keep me up to my eyeballs in par lamps and publications whilst cheerfully homeschooling. Fwah.

2) Moreover, in my views, I am not being mysogynistic, rather realistic. As a woman, I'm pretty sure I know how we work. I've had 26 years or so experience in this department. There's no guesswork, but mere observation.

3) To continue this point, it is not discriminatory to point the finger at oneself, or at a group to which one belongs. Hence, John the Evangelist is not anti-semetic, but rather since he is a Jew, he holds the Jewish people to a higher accountability, and therefore has every right to exhort his people to be worthy to be the chosen ones of God. Likewise, as a woman, I have every right - indeed, it is part of my duty - to exhort my fellow women towards greater glory...but not unearned glory.

4) What I'm about to express also is what the Church expresses and has expressed throughout salvation history. Please remember or realize that the Church has always extolled women, particularly because of the honor Jesus the Christ showed to His own mother, Mary. During Christendom, women were treated with respect bordering on fantatic admiration. They were given greater rights and privileges than have been seen before or since. Records show that they held positions of authority within the church (although not within the hierarchy) - as well as within the world (since Church and state were more closely aligned). It is not until the rise of the Protestant Reformation that we see - again merely through dry accounts (for a fantastic unbiased book on the subject, read The Stripping of the Altars) - that women were relegated solely to the place of "barefoot and pregnant," of incapable of holding positions of authority, of solely marriage fodder. Indeed, they were thrown back into the barbarism of the pagan empires. Examine Tacitus and Austen - there's a frightening overlap. Those who claim the Catholic Church to be "backwards" in her views on women would do well to study source materials of history, not biased textbooks.

5) Even more convincingly, the views which are about to be expressed are found explicitly in the Bible through the example laid down by Jesus Himself. There is no ambiguity about His intent.

So, without further ado, let me attempt to explain in my own humble understanding why women are simply not fashioned by God through His creation of nature to be priests.

First, we must ask ourselves, what is a priest?

To many, a priest is merely an authority, the one "in charge." Nothing could be farther from the truth. As Christ Himself showed His chosen apostles at the Last Supper (John 13:2b-22 NAB):

So, during supper, fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power and that he had come from God and was returning to God, he rose from supper and took off his outer garments. He took a towel and tied it around his waist.

Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and dry them with the towel around his waist. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Master, are you going to wash my feet?"

Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later."

Peter said to him, "You will never wash my feet." Jesus answered him, "Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me."

Simon Peter said to him, "Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well."

Jesus said to him, "Whoever has bathed has no need except to have his feet washed, for he is clean all over; so you are clean, but not all."

For he knew who would betray him; for this reason, he said, "Not all of you are clean."

So when he had washed their feet (and) put his garments back on and reclined at table again, he said to them, "Do you realize what I have done for you? You call me 'teacher' and 'master,' and rightly so, for indeed I am. If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet. I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do. Amen, amen, I say to you, no slave is greater than his master nor any messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you understand this, blessed are you if you do it. I am not speaking of all of you. I know those whom I have chosen. But so that the scripture might be fulfilled, 'The one who ate my food has raised his heel against me.' From now on I am telling you before it happens, so that when it happens you may believe that I AM. Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever receives the one I send receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me." When he had said this, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified, "Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me."

Obviously, there's a lot of good stuff in there. (I love John!) I could go on and on about Baptism, Confirmation, Confession, let alone conditions under which one may receive the Eucharist, the supremacy of Peter acknowledged by John, the revelation of the doctrine of the Trinity...good stuff all of it!

But the important thing to glean from this passage within the context of this particular article is that Christ who is our High Priest (Hebrews 3-10) exhorted those apostles whom He appointed His successors (Matthew 16:16-20, Matthew 28:16-20) to be the servants of all. Just as Christ laid down His life for us, so His priests should emulate Christ in all things.

Have priests abused their position to gain power? Unfortunately, we are all fallen. Kings have abused their power, parents have abused it, teachers, petty shift managers, the trumpet section over the oboeists - everyone is fallen. To those priests who abused God's church, Jesus was particularly harsh - calling them "white washed sepulchres" (Matthew 23) - again, because He as High Priest held them to a higher expectation than they held themselves. He called them to true humility. Take a look again of the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (which in typical fashion I can't find at the moment!). Over and over again, Christ calls all His people to true humility: knowing their actual place before the throne of God. And priests, who are acting in the person of Christ (more on this in a moment) are therefore even more responsible for living up to the example of our God.

Therefore, priests are meant to follow the High Priest, who is Jesus the Christ.

What does this mean? The Catholic Church has a phrase, in persona Christi which literally translates into in the person of Christ. This is not mere lip-service. This isn't acting. This isn't a symbol. The priests, when they are in persona Christi are actually IN the PERSON, who is Christ. This means that Christ actually comes into the priest and works His miracles physically through the priest. As one great saint wrote: "The priest does his greatest work when he is not even himself."

But to understand how this is possible, one must understand the sacramental nature of Christ.

Let's observe the Gospels. What did Christ do?

First, He incarnated Himself. Christ became Man. God took on human flesh. The Word became flesh. As the Nicene Creed proclaims: He was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary. This is crucial to understanding everything else. God became man. It wasn't a symbol, it wasn't an illusion, it wasn't a holograph, it wasn't a trick - let me say it again: God became man.

In fact, during the Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel appeared to the Virgin Mary and told her that she was chosen to become the mother of God, the mother of her Savior, Mary wondered, "How can this be, since I do not know man?" (Luke 1:34) (For an explanation of the Perpetual Virginity of Mary, click here catholic.com or for a more indepth explanation look at St. Jerome. To understand how Catholics revere, but don't worship Mary, look at catholic-convert.com.)

Gabriel's reply is: "For nothing will be impossible for God" (Luke 1:37).

Remember that. Nothing is impossible for God.

That means that if He so desires to become 100% man whilst also being 100% God, He can do so. If that means that He wants to conceive Himself within Mary, and make her name blessed among all women (Luke 1:28, Luke 1:42, Luke 1:46-55), He can do so. He can change the substance (the actuality of a thing) of bread and wine into His Body and Blood (John 6:22-71, Matthew 26:26-29, Mark 14:22-25, Luke 22:14-20, 1 Corinthians 11:17-34, Revelation 2:7 and 22:1-6 in relation to Genesis 3:22) while maintaining the accidentals (that which can be sensed; see the Tantum Ergo the beautiful prayer by St. Augustine, esp. the "Praestet fides supplementum/Sensuum defectui" in relation to John 20:29) of bread and wine. Doing all this, and believing that all things flow from God, then all the sacramental miracles (visible signs of invisible grace) which Christ performs through His chosen priests are certainly done in persona Christi - it is an extension of His incarnation.

So, nothing is impossible for God. But why would God want to in persona Christi a priest? Why not just come down and "do His works" Himself? Well, let's see just how Christ did perform His public ministry.

During the three years Christ conducted His public ministry, He is most frequently recorded healing people. And how? Through using earthy stuff. (I'm not going to look each one of these up - mea culpe! Go do some of this work yourself! ;) God doesn't flinch from using His creation - that's why He created it! So he spits in the dirt and rubs it into the blind man's eyes so that he might see again - Christ uses a visible sign to show His invisible grace. A woman touches the hem of His cloak and she is healed of a hemorrage - visible sign of invisible grace. Jesus breaths into the girl's mouth and she is resurrected - visible sign of invisible grace. He turned the water into wine, He turned the wine into His blood, He shed His blood for the forgiveness of our sins - visible signs of His invisible grace.

Didja get that last part? Jesus forgave sins. Because, what we so often overlook is that whenever Christ performed a physical healing, He also performed a spiritual healing as well. The paralyzed man lowered through the roof was healed, yes - but the greater miracle was that through the faith of his friends(!!!), Christ forgave the man's sins. He forgives the Samaratin woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, Zacchaeus the tax-collector, the thief at His side. How many times - go through the Bible and look! - does He say, "Your faith has saved you, your sins are forgiven you, you are healed."

So we can see that the God is constantly using earthly things to reveal what is spiritually happening. This we call a sacrament: a visible sign of God's invisible grace.

I'm reading The Problem of Pain by C. S. Lewis right now, and he - ever the readable theologian! - was pointing out the wonderfulness and awesomeness and needfulness of the body. We are not pure spirit. We are mind, spirit and body! Consequently, even if I think really hard at you, you won't be able to read my mind. I can feel really hard at you - I've had many crushes in my life and have felt uber-passionate for extensive periods of times! - but I can guarantee you that the objects of my emotions were completely oblivious because my would-be amour is physical and emotions are not. If I want to let you know what I'm thinking, I must write it down using an earthy medium. Or I can speak it to you, using the medium of my body. I cannot just think at you. Likewise, if I were deeply in love with someone, nothing short of somehow telling the object of my affection via earthly things of my passion will communicate my passion. So, too, God created us in such a way that to get anything across to us, He's going to use earthly things: the waters of Baptism, the oil of Confirmation and Last Rites, the vows of Marriage and Holy Orders, the Eucharist, and the ears and lips of the priest in Confession. To reveal His passion, He made His passion visible.

Be back in a few...going to watch Shadowlands with Mom and sister now! Girls' night in! Part Two will be posted later or tomorrow. This is a pretty big subject.

Mood: Scholarly. Honors syndrome forever!
Music: None, but my throat is rather sore
Good Thing: Clean, brand-new bedsheets. Nothing like them. And confession. Rather like clean bedsheets. :D

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Want Proof?

From Sean Forrest's site:

"One of the most amazing photographs that you'll ever see -- is a picture of Samuel, a 21 week old baby boy, whose tiny hand reaches out of the womb and grabs the finger of the surgeon who was operating on him, as if to say, "thanks doc, you did a wonderful job." "

"It should be seen by the WHOLE WORLD. "

"It happened when Dr. Joseph P. Bruner, director of fetal diagnosis and treatment at Vanderbilt University Medical Center was performing a cutting edge procedure on a 21 week old fetus. Bruner and Samuel's parents hope the surgery will alleviate the effects of spina bifida, a disabling birth defect in one or two of every 1,000 babies born. During the procedure, surgeons remove the uterus from the mother, drain the amniotic fluid, perform surgery on the tiny fetus, then put the uterus back inside the mother. The procedure took about an hour. "

"There are no words to describe this incredible photo. If this doesn't set the abortion industry and the pro-choicers back on their ears, then Heaven help us."


For the picture, click here!

Also from his site, the following conundrum:

Two Tough Questions (real thinkers)

READ ALL QUESTIONS FIRST BEFORE SCROLLING TO THE ANSWERS!

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have a private and "safe" abortion?



Question 2:

And unmarried woman is pregnant, and her fiancee is very upset because he knows he isn't the father. In her country, she could be thrown in jail or given the death penalty. Would you recommend that she get a secret but "safe" abortion?


CHOOSE YOUR ANSWERS FIRST BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN....










GOT YOUR ANSWERS?








SCROLL A LITTLE MORE...







If you counseled the first woman to have an abortion, you just told her to kill Beethoven.

If you counseled the SECOND woman to have an abortion, you just told the Virgin Mary to abort JESUS.


D'you know, abortion, euthenasia, assisted suicide, contraception, and all the rest of this culture of death really boil down to a case of severe selfishness? "The baby's not convenient for ME," "My aging parent is a 'burden' on ME," "Why can't someone help ME to die?," "I don't want MY marriage open to God's plan." Me, me, me. How very remarkable, too, that those who profess the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ are some of the very ones to support these fatal "choices!" Our whole religion, our faith is based - as Paul reminds us - upon the "suffering servant," upon Christ's sacrifice, His giving of Himself even unto death. And yet we? No - it's too much trouble to have a child. We might neglect the child - better kill it instead. We may never be able to afford the child - better never find out. He's lived past his usefulness - better kill him. He's in such suffering, the poor teenager! Better help him die.

Do we even listen to our own supposed excuses? They boil down to one word: "ME." As Julia Roberts said in America's Sweethearts to Catherine Zeta-Jones: "So really...this is all about you." It's not that we're thinking of the other person? It's not that we're giving of ourselves! It's not that we're open to God's plan. We're making judgements of life and death over others, and then protesting the killing of beef cattle for beef! Oh, by all means - we should be good stewards of the earth and all God's creation. But that includes ALL God's creation - including ourselves. What sort of monsters have we become, what disgusting barbarians that we kill those who have never been given a chance, that we view life as some sort of disease to avoid at all cost, that we inject with poison those who are not in their right mind and smother without consultation those whose only crime is to have given US life? Hitler never killed so many as we have these past twenty years. Stalin never killed so many. All the concentration camps in all the world cannot compare to the silent holocost of our pre-born children - much more if we rightfully include those women who were lied to, who were told that abortion was the ONLY option, and who years later HEAR their children scream.

We shudder at the thought that the Greeks pierced their babies' ankles and left them on the rocks to die. For naturally, it is far more humane to kill the child when we can more easily turn a blind eye. My GOD! We live in darkness! We are so far from the light! I am reminded of Gandalf's words to Frodo, something along the lines of: "Do you have the power of life and death? You can take someone's life - but can you give it back to them?" How many women have died due to abortions, and then had their deaths belied by the very "doctors" who performed a double murder? How many of our fathers and mothers have we killed by turning a blind eye to the nurse's pillow, to a tick on her Medicare sheet?

What a world is this when we mourn 9-11, but we are not disgusted by our own acts of terrorism upon those who really ARE our brothers and sisters. One-third of my generation alone has been massacred by their mothers and fathers. And should we continue in this vein, it will not be long before at least one-third of those survivors turn and murder their own mothers and fathers. How many brothers and sister, how many future husbands and wives, how many priests, how many artists, how many scientists, how many great minds and great souls have been prematurely pulled to shreds by the abortionist's scalpel - all for the sake of convenience.

We are committing a slow suicide. With every sanctioned death, with every sanctioned sin made "lawful" although never right, we are coiling the rope for our own demise.

Vanity, vanity. All is vanity.

Perhaps it's time to truly look in the mirror, and see what we have become. We need to wake up, to LIVE, to breathe the free air once more. And will it hurt - oh, yes, the cross is painful. But will it bring new life? Look to dawn on the third day.

Mood: Frustrated, disgusted, furious, saddened, hopeful, livid, resigned, surrendered, prayerful, tired
Music: Mental jukebox: Gladiator the Heavenly Theme
Poem: As I Walked Out One Evening by W. H. Auden

As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.

And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
'Love has no ending.

'I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,

'I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

'The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.'

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
'O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

'In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.

'In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.

'Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver's brilliant bow.

'O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you've missed.

'The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.

'Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.

'O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

I am sixteen going on si-ix....

First Result:

My inner child is sixteen years old today

My inner child is sixteen years old!


Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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Second Result:

My inner child is six years old today

My inner child is six years old!


Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm, velly velly intellesting. Actually, I think the whole thing's rigged - I mean, to the "OK, now you're in trouble" question, there wasn't a single "I'm sorry, yes I did it" answer! *sigh* Based on how I answered that one question, apparently I'm either fit for sitting my student's desks or the playpen. (Hmmm, playpen might not be bad...get to nap during school, get to play dress up all day...oh wait, I do that already. ;)

On the upside:

HASH(0x87391c0)
So you are Figwit, the left-out elf who gets 5
seconds of fame at the Council of Elrond.
Wonderful


Which Lord of the Rings (male) Elf Are You?
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And....

Humor
Your life is very humorous, I don't know you do it,
and I don't think I want to know. Every time
when someone is feeling low you try and cheer
them up and when things get too serious you try
to play a joke that will make everyone lighten
up a bit. Your life is simple yet a little
complex and your personality might be a tad
insane, but no one actually minds it that much.
So have fun being humorous, and make sure those
pranks don't go to far.


What Genre is your life?
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Right, now that that daily dose of stupidity is out of the way...Lemony Snicket's book is due in fourteen days! A-hem. Looking forward to more unfortunate events.

School was a bit more trying today. No surprise really - I mean, we're only debating the existence of God. ;P So, we have the lethargic "Why are we even bothering to think about this stuff? I mean, c'mon - it's first period and I don't care and I'll figure it out when I get there and do you have a bagel?" And then we have the humungo class of "Half of us will think while the other half of us talk over each other and what do you mean my cat fluffy is not a human like me!??!?!? Oh, and why can't there be a pantheon?" Then the last period, full of, "Dude, it's after lunch, we're just chilling. Hmmm, why can't the matter from the Big Bang come from nothing? Why can't there be just that one exception to the nature of matter. Huh - inside time, outside time - two more periods, is it?" >sigh<

Fortunately, none of the Sophomores decided to claim an Immaculate Conception for themselves, so the idea of Original Sin and concupiscence wasn't contested.

In far, far better news, the drama club got off to a roaring good start today. Eighteen people signed up (which for us IS a lot), which means that we'll definitely be able to get the group rates for going to see Les Mis. Alleluia! So I'm going to call the ticket place and get that squared away. Chorus on Thursday - I hope that goes half as well!

Tired, though - oh so tired! Birthday tomorrow - happy birthday me! I forgot about it all today until just as I was closing up the room getting ready to leave. As in, "Hey! Tomorrow's my birthday! Neeeeat." Yup. Epiphany Fish.

Mood: Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh
Music: Swishing agua of the washing machine.
Desire: To figure out a slam-dunk proof of the existence of the soul as a unique aspect of humanity.
One for the Road: Julie - you're not alone!

sam
YOU ARE SAM

Which Lord of the Rings Character Are You?
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Monday, September 08, 2003

It's aliiiiiive!!!

Yes, mesdames et monsieurs - I started on act two, night two of Bearskin captures in the never-ending wait for my computer with which to do something more productive. So before I head off for shower and sleep, I thought I'd share the best of The Man Without a Face with you - the night DJ blacked out and sang like a golden god.



Click on the image to enlarge it.

School went well. Drama meeting tomorrow. Said a rosary today. Took a walk. Visited Jules and DJ at work. Dropped off my bills. Haven't put together my "closet" which fell over last night. >nnngh< Have to start next novel for Arx. Must write a "four years are passing" song for Bearskin...but can only think of a combination of music from Les Miserables and Beauty and the Beast! I like my hat.

Mood: Fragments of grey matter
Music: Whooshing XP Silver to the sporatic droning of Julie's sewing
Thought: Knee-high tights are comfortable. As are quasi-sweatshirts. Is it Autumn yet?

Sunday, September 07, 2003

The Epiphany Fish Strikes Again!

OK, so I walk away for two seconds to take off my whitening strips, and I'm thinking for some reason about Fr. Larry praying over me today after mass and how he said something to the effect of, "You do such a good job [teaching faith]; I've seen it." And I was thinking how embarrassed and humble I was feeling. The thought came to my mind...if he knew what I was really like, all my sins...he wouldn't say that!

And then I realized. Father Larry's my confessor. He actually DOES know my sins (well, priests say they're given the gift of forgetfulness most of the time after confession, but the point is that at least while I'm confessing he's listening). And he still said that.

So, how much more does my Heavenly Father, who knows even those sins I don't realize, who really knows me inside-out...how much more humbling and exalting is He?

Wow. Makes you want to bend the knee.

Music: Avril stopped, but that last song was: "I'm naked/around you/does it show?" Divine humor there.
Mood: Gonnamakeit
This is an Epiphany Fish: A combination of Smee and Dori

Fustre

This is how I feel:



Yup. Really, immensely frustrated. For no apparent reason. I mean, I actually had a very good weekend. Perhaps the most relaxed I've been in a long long while. Went out with Jules last night for a night on the town - aka shopping at Filenes at the Natick Mall, seeing Spy Kids 3-D, and then having a late dinner at Pizzeria Uno...including dessert! >yum< And today mass was awesome - Father preached about the Eucharist and was so on fire! And then he prayed over me after mass for graces to teach my students. And I came home and went for a long walk, and answered e-mails that I'd been neglecting, and did more video captures of night two of Bearskin and....

Suddenly, I'm the Gypsy above. Hmmm, telling. Most likely this sensation stems from the same source. Nnnngh.

White strips in my mouth. I wonder if they'll work.

Prep clothes in my wardrobe in need of much cooler weather.

Mom understandably stressed out over Dad's worklessness.

Wrote to Tony, offered him Maxim/Olwen. We'll see - a deadline would be good.

Have no inclination to work on Pirates - must regardless of desire. Desire can be a thing much like gravity.

Pourquoi est-ce que je suis tres stupid et fustre tout les temps? No, not tout, mail je ne souvien(s?) pas le mot for "often." (Frequently! George!) Ah, found it: souvent. Hmmm, wonder if I knew that before?

Hmmm, it most likely doesn't help that I've put on Avril Lavaigne (sp?). Note - apparently she's considered a cross between Brittany Spears and Alannis Morisette. Personally I find her satisfyingly angsty for those moments when I need to hear headbanging with melody. Not particularly uplifting, although I do like her "I'm with you" song - I keep thinking of, what if the "you" is Jesus? Cool story - eh? Completely lost girl who's been saying, "I don't know who you are, but I, I'm with you" to anyone who'd look at her, suddenly says this to God, not recognizing who He is. A lot of people do that I think. A lot my students are in such a situation. It reminds me of Virgin Come Late to the Wedding, a story that takes place during the Conquest of the Gates in the Twelve Kingdoms.

Oy - no, I'm not an overachiever! ;}

Hmmm, right, whatever. (Oy - that's not the quintessence of angst!) Get over it, child. You are simply under attack or lacking sleep or both, and the sensation is simply that - a sensation with no grounding in reality. Sometimes, I wish I were not a slave to emotion. And yet, although our emotions are imperfect and liable to change, I cannot think of life without them. I should not truly desire to be pure intellect, as much as I strive to be so some days. It's frightening as anything to become vulnerable. And more rewarding. Indeed, the "bigger" things in life are always situated upon precipices, where one either falls or flies. Belief in God, Love - which one could argue, are the same thing - these are the greatest and therefore require the greatest bonds and vows, as Chesteron writes, and then continues - If I am free, then let me be free to bind myself completely to something.

I've decided that I can only work on projects with which I am completely in love. In a way, it's like that cynical list of reasons not to date an actor (which I can't find the link for at the moment) - part of it is that we fall in love with pretty things. We do, too. And when we fall, we fall violently in love. But we need someone to anchor us. Curious, then, that one of the early symbols the first Christians used was the anchor?

Ah ca. Off to try to find that paper proving the existance of God. That wee topic is the subject of Tuesday's classes! Woo-hoo!

Music: Avril Lavaigne (sp?) Let Go
Mood: Meh
Quote du semaine:
Emily: I want to make a movie. I'm in a mood to make a movie.

Julie: Em...I've got to go to a work meeting and dinner tomorrow [today, actually]....

Emily: No, no, no. I didn't mean tomorrow. I've got to spend tomorrow getting my lesson plans together. I've got to prove the existence of God on Tuesday. I can't make a movie until Wednesday [forgetting that it's my birthday that day!].

Julie: >falls under the table laughing< Emily!!! Did you just hear yourself? Write that down, write that down right now, no - not on my pad of paper, use your napkin. I don't care that you've already spilled water on it. Oy, my sister. My sister...the Epiphany Fish! >mumblegrumble< Overachiever. "Julie, am I any good?" Oy!

Emily: So, where are our onion peels?

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Life is Good

First, Matt made the experiment from the last blog (rotating leg and drawing the number 6) have spiritual significance. Good stuff! Check it out! Woo-hoo! :D

Second, school went well today. Fabulously well, in fact. Rather like remembering how to swim or ride the proverbial bike. No one seems to be (thus far) fabulously belligerent, which is quite the opposite from how last year started out! The cards seemed to go well - we played a few "let me see your personality while we have fun and I memorize your names" games with the seniors - talked about the Sacraments with the Sophomores - and....

I came up with a metaphor. Yup. Another one.

Right, so we're toodling through our intro to the Sacraments and we hit marriage. Always one of the favorites for a Sophomore class. (Oy - wonder why. ;P) Anywho, so the usual questions come up beginning NOT with promiscuity but with homosexuality, and in the first period I answered and deferred until we actually go over the sacrament of marriage (three whole weeks of it. At least. I've the answers now, but these things are best kept in their place. Really, rather like the conjugal act itself!). With the second class however, I headed them off at the pass and began so:

STUDENT: But aren't "they" trying to make [same-sex "marriage"] legal now?

ME: Yes, there is a movement both for and counter to that. But simply because something is legal, does that make it right?

STUDENTS: (resounding) No! (They're quick learners and can see a trick rhetorical question a mile off.)

ME: Good! Look at slavery. For milennia it has been legal throughout our world. That has never made it right. So too in this situation. Moreover, marriage exists sacramentally as its own entity apart from legal proceedings. It fundamentally cannot be changed.

ME THINKING: Hmmm, heap big words. Try one more time.

ME: It's like this. (I hold up my hand.) This is my hand. I call it a hand. You call it a hand. It has all the properties, functions and rights of a hand. It is a hand. But let's say that I decide to go to the Supreme Court and force them to pass a law that states that my hand is no longer a hand but a fish. Further, the law now states that everyone must call it a fish and accept it as a fish. No one can stop me from bringing my tank with me wherever I go (puts down hand as though it's draping over the side of an exotic fishtank replete with diving bubbly men), filled with purified oxidized water, and with the further right of being fed fishfood twice a day. Further, no one is to mind while I wave my hand around (makes fishy tail motions with hand) because this is not a hand, it is legally a fish. Now, look at me. Is my hand a fish?

STUDENTS: (laughing at their weirdo but at least fun-to-watch-the-antics-of teacher) NO!

ME: ExACTly! No more can congress or any man change marriage. It exists independently of them. It has been, is and will always exist as a sacrament between ONE man and ONE woman! Not a man and a man, not a woman and a man, not a man and his dog, not a man and his potato...

STUDENTS: (shocked laughs at such a ridiculous image-idea)

ME: ...not one woman and five men, not one man and five women....

STUDENT: Like that weird guy down south?

ME: ...you got it. Now, who marries the man and woman.

STUDENTS: (in chorus) The priest!

ME: Wrong!

STUDENTS: (Confused gasps. That'd been a pretty solid answer up until now.)

ME: The man confers the sacrament on the woman, the woman on the man. They give the sacrament to each other. BUT the priest is there in...what ladies and gentlemen?

STUDENTS: (Chorally - more sure here, it's on the board already after all) In persona Christi.

ME: Which means?

STUDENTS: (Rote can be a wonderful thing. If they don't pass the I-am-an-evil-ogre-of-a-teacher-fear-me quiz on Monday, it's not my fault) "In the person of Christ."

ME: Excellent. The priest is in persona Christi, "he is doing his greatest work when he is not even himself," Christ is there and sanctifies and blessed and solidifies the marriage. And so you need five people minimum for a marriage: the priest, two others...

MALE STUDENT: (tentatively) Best man and best woman?

FEMALE STUDENT: (smugly) Maid of honor.

ANOTHER STUDENT: But that's three.

ME: And the couple.

ANOTHER STUDENT: Ah. Right. Sorry.

Yes, mesdames et monsieurs, all is well with the world. Life is good. Students aren't jumping down my throat or attacking me as though I were a missionary in cannibal country. This is good. And we came home and were not exhausted, and this is good. And paternal unit realizes he must leave downstairs by 11 p.m. so insomniac daughter who must be up at unreasonable hours of the morning can sleep so she won't oversleep and this is good. And I am wearing my fun John Lennon hat and just returned from B&N where Pete and I went and bought several Catholic resource books as well as The Case for Christ and this is good. And my new shirt is warm and the house is cold and this is good. And Johnny Depp is going to be in Once Upon a Time in Mexico and this is good. And September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day (info courtesy of Matt as well, and this is very good. And we are off to prepare for tomorrow, and while this is good but not quite so good, the end of it holds the promise of curling up with Pointe magazine and looking at pretty ballerina pictures with ideas of movement and gesture for Midsummer Night's Dream...and that is very good!

Mood: Good! Thanks for asking.
Music: The quiet susserations of the computer accompanied by the cricket.
Quiz for the Day: Honestly, can't one enjoy classical flowy things without being "Goth?" Oy. Perhaps one might call it cultured? Silly thing. Here it is though:

Goth
You are a.. GOTH! You're sick of the wannabe freaks
ruining the scene and making your angst seem
superficial. You thrive on the darker aspects
of life, have an interest in classic literature
and poetry, and probably get a kick out of
Halloween. ("No.. that's not a costume,
d***it!")


The Subculture Label Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Put my head on my piii-looow!

Or as Kristy's roommate parodied so long ago (to "I will call upon the Lord):

I will fall upon the floor
Which is covered with my clothes
So shall I remain for eternity!

The floor reigneth!
And blessed be my bed
And may the place where I am sleeping
Be exalted! (2x)


Amen, amen, and a thousand times amen. Je suis fa-ti-GUE! Which is odd, considering today was only a half day at work. Yet, the waking early and the difficulty with convincing my body to sleep and the sheer rise and fall of adrenelin more than anything else. It's being "on" - performing - it's like getting a shot of pure gelatin.

However today went very well. Exceedingly well. First, several folk commented that I look really well! Hurrah! (And I lost three pounds this week. Yippee - now to keep them off....) A vain thing, true, but I've resigned myself for years now to looking awful and dumpy that it's more an acknowlegement that all the work to lose weight is actually working and it's not some sort of self-delusion. The "classes" themselves went well - they look to be good. Even the 29 person one! And wonderful stuff we'll be doing in the religion dept. to really make God's presence known to the school. I ought to go into more detail. I talked myself out of words right around 3:50 to Mom. I've been the title of this post since.

Suffice to say last night I got a chance to witness for the Catholic Church to the guy cutting fabric at Wal-Mart (all roads lead to Midsummer Night's Dream), today and yesterday were faboo, I gave my video resume to the Arts Alliance folks and found an ally in Lauren Miethner, sent off Niamh to Merry, welcomed MJ to working at the school, and am currently watching (kind of) The Three Amigos.

Sometimes brainless is also good. Although there has been too much brainlessness these past few days. Or rather, use of brain in something other than blogging, which is not a bad use just one that's not recorded. "This lantern is the moon, I'm the man in the moon, this dog is my dog, and this bush my bush!"

[Edit:] From Mark Shea's blogspot.:

While sitting at your desk
...lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.


See? Even great Catholic apologists sometimes do brainless things that yet tinker with the brain. I may use this in class tomorrow. In further news, I am Lucky Day from Three Amigos. Esp. the being chained to the wall and muttering, "Gonnamakeit, gonnamakeit, gonnamakeit, gonnamakeit!" It's like teaching, or trying to get a program off the ground, or convincing myself that I'm really not a horrid artist. Oy! ;P

Also from Mark Shea's, this very interesting link. The comments are also enlightening. Mark's own comments can be found here.

And not on that at all but on RCIA, here's Mark Shea's article. Frustrating when those looking to enter the church are given bad or half-baked instruction. No squishy Jesus! Our God is an awesome God! Yee-haw!

And on Papal Infallability and Contraception. More for my own reference than anything else.

Mood: Sometimes I wake up Grumpy - sometimes I let him sleep.
Music: Singing Bush
Speed Reading for Sanity Betwixt Other Reads: Thief of Time by Terry Prachett.