Fustre

This is how I feel:



Yup. Really, immensely frustrated. For no apparent reason. I mean, I actually had a very good weekend. Perhaps the most relaxed I've been in a long long while. Went out with Jules last night for a night on the town - aka shopping at Filenes at the Natick Mall, seeing Spy Kids 3-D, and then having a late dinner at Pizzeria Uno...including dessert! >yum< And today mass was awesome - Father preached about the Eucharist and was so on fire! And then he prayed over me after mass for graces to teach my students. And I came home and went for a long walk, and answered e-mails that I'd been neglecting, and did more video captures of night two of Bearskin and....

Suddenly, I'm the Gypsy above. Hmmm, telling. Most likely this sensation stems from the same source. Nnnngh.

White strips in my mouth. I wonder if they'll work.

Prep clothes in my wardrobe in need of much cooler weather.

Mom understandably stressed out over Dad's worklessness.

Wrote to Tony, offered him Maxim/Olwen. We'll see - a deadline would be good.

Have no inclination to work on Pirates - must regardless of desire. Desire can be a thing much like gravity.

Pourquoi est-ce que je suis tres stupid et fustre tout les temps? No, not tout, mail je ne souvien(s?) pas le mot for "often." (Frequently! George!) Ah, found it: souvent. Hmmm, wonder if I knew that before?

Hmmm, it most likely doesn't help that I've put on Avril Lavaigne (sp?). Note - apparently she's considered a cross between Brittany Spears and Alannis Morisette. Personally I find her satisfyingly angsty for those moments when I need to hear headbanging with melody. Not particularly uplifting, although I do like her "I'm with you" song - I keep thinking of, what if the "you" is Jesus? Cool story - eh? Completely lost girl who's been saying, "I don't know who you are, but I, I'm with you" to anyone who'd look at her, suddenly says this to God, not recognizing who He is. A lot of people do that I think. A lot my students are in such a situation. It reminds me of Virgin Come Late to the Wedding, a story that takes place during the Conquest of the Gates in the Twelve Kingdoms.

Oy - no, I'm not an overachiever! ;}

Hmmm, right, whatever. (Oy - that's not the quintessence of angst!) Get over it, child. You are simply under attack or lacking sleep or both, and the sensation is simply that - a sensation with no grounding in reality. Sometimes, I wish I were not a slave to emotion. And yet, although our emotions are imperfect and liable to change, I cannot think of life without them. I should not truly desire to be pure intellect, as much as I strive to be so some days. It's frightening as anything to become vulnerable. And more rewarding. Indeed, the "bigger" things in life are always situated upon precipices, where one either falls or flies. Belief in God, Love - which one could argue, are the same thing - these are the greatest and therefore require the greatest bonds and vows, as Chesteron writes, and then continues - If I am free, then let me be free to bind myself completely to something.

I've decided that I can only work on projects with which I am completely in love. In a way, it's like that cynical list of reasons not to date an actor (which I can't find the link for at the moment) - part of it is that we fall in love with pretty things. We do, too. And when we fall, we fall violently in love. But we need someone to anchor us. Curious, then, that one of the early symbols the first Christians used was the anchor?

Ah ca. Off to try to find that paper proving the existance of God. That wee topic is the subject of Tuesday's classes! Woo-hoo!

Music: Avril Lavaigne (sp?) Let Go
Mood: Meh
Quote du semaine:
Emily: I want to make a movie. I'm in a mood to make a movie.

Julie: Em...I've got to go to a work meeting and dinner tomorrow [today, actually]....

Emily: No, no, no. I didn't mean tomorrow. I've got to spend tomorrow getting my lesson plans together. I've got to prove the existence of God on Tuesday. I can't make a movie until Wednesday [forgetting that it's my birthday that day!].

Julie: >falls under the table laughing< Emily!!! Did you just hear yourself? Write that down, write that down right now, no - not on my pad of paper, use your napkin. I don't care that you've already spilled water on it. Oy, my sister. My sister...the Epiphany Fish! >mumblegrumble< Overachiever. "Julie, am I any good?" Oy!

Emily: So, where are our onion peels?