The sporadic ramblings of Emily C. A. Snyder - devoted to God, theatre, writing, and much randominity.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

Artistic Director and Co-Founder of TURN TO FLESH PRODUCTIONS. | Author of "Nachtstürm Castle," "Niamh and the Hermit." | Playwright: "Cupid and Psyche," "Math for Actors." | Classical director and educator.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Suddenly I See

This is what I want to be....

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! One of the most terrifying, exhilerating experiences of my life. I can't think of when I last really, really let *loose* and just sang my heart out - without worrying about next door neighbors or folk sleeping or what others would think or technique or holding back to let others shine or just plain nerves. But it wasn't merely the bliss of music - of voice and piano combining effortlessly - but it was the thrill of performing for an audience that really, really enjoyed it. It was like I was seven again and giving the Snyder talent show on the blue rug in our living room. The acoustics were magnificent. And, despite my throat going competely dry just as I was about to go up (had to force the notes through my vocal chords initially - aaaaaugh! panic attack!) and despite the fact that my legs were actually shaking, and despite the fact that I was terrified of that high D above high C and the whole lead up to it and of forgetting my lyrics or of not being in sync with the pianist - when it started.... Oh, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten how much I love love love to perform. I've been holding back soooooooo very long, trying to be smaller, keep out of people's ways, not sure of myself or of reception or of ability but...oh, I just want to sing and sing and sing and sing forever and ever and ever! I am so in love with life tonight! Alleluia! Alleluia and alleluia forever! Ineffable beauty! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

Mood: Oh, rapture overwhelming!
Music: Evanescence's first CD second song "We'll be half way to anywhere/Where no one needs a reason why/Forget this life/Come with me/Don't look back/You're safe now/Unlock your heart/Drop your guard/No one's left to stop you!"


Anonymous The Southern Belle said...

I know that feeling. I never guessed to ever have it vocalized by you, though! How is it we let that happen to ourselves? Ah well--naming the demon is the first step. And like I said in that card I sent you, when in doubt you just remember: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..." :-)

*Hugs bella*

9:57 PM  

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