The sporadic ramblings of Emily C. A. Snyder - devoted to God, theatre, writing, and much randominity.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Ah, I think I've figured it out

I've been circling the issue, the problem, the central quandary and wondering why it felt like a really bad break-up or something (more than a failed test, or a 1984 forced untruth [2+2=5?!?!?])...and then it struck me:

This sorrow and frustration stems from the fact that the one person (or people) to whom good opinion matter...just don't like you.

And there's no good reason for it (in fact, there's every good reason against it)...

And there's nothing to be done.

So. Yup. Mark this as a milestone: I turned down my first role. He promises me something better, and I don't see it now and I have difficulty believing that it is He speaking and not just my fancy, but the weight of history and the unmerited grace of faith step in and I throw up my hands and say, "I really hope so." I know there's this whole storing up riches in Heaven thing, but y'know...some days you'd just really like a little pat on the back down here, too. As St. Catherine said, "If this is how You treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few!" Hrumph.

And yes, that hrumph clears up a lot - and someday soon I'll laugh that I was rejected because I was too good. After all, it happened to some One far greater than I.

Right. Praise God and Stay in Line.

Mood: Still a bit tetchy
Music: The Frou-Frou CD. Oddish but good but oddish.
Beauty is: "The Two Crowns" by Sir Frank Dicksee. Regard below.

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