I am not a fan

Of this blogger bar at the top. The "next blog" is simply a random blog and like any sort of mindless surf, it can lead to places one didn't really mean/want to go. Now, granted, blogger.com isn't making me go to the "next blog" - that's completely a thing of my own free will. But they are giving me a choice - a choice that wasn't readily available before. Rather like that whole Eden thing. *sigh*

In other non-complain-y news, I've managed to get in a Holy Hour each day for the past three days, which is something of an achievement for me. Although, it's not been easy whatsoever. The temptation towards mind-numbing nothingness is perhaps the greatest temptation; I wonder what failings are borne more from boredom and lassitude than purpose? (Sorry! I didn't mean to dwell on sin again.... Of course, I'm reading The Bible and the Koran to prepare myself for teaching the Juniors this year, so maybe that's part of it.)

I found and put together and read all my printed versions of Elspeth. Then I made the dreadful mistake of reading the OLDEST version - the one that was written approximately from the years 1993-1996, when I was, what...15-18? Something like. I could easily tell the difference between the 15-16 year old stuff and the 17-18 year old revisions. (I wonder whatever happened to the 14-15 year old stuff...? That was truly dreadful and ponderous as I recall. *shudder* Having that whole bit of breaking into the castle. Ugh! Ah well, at least it was excised VERY early on!) So, some thoughts on rereading really, really old stuff:

1) It's encouraging to see the little glimmers of good writing; it's frankly surprising to see some decent writing with $10 words; it's hilarious to come across certain $10 words (vivisepulchre comes to mind) and remember looking them up to write them; it's strange to realize that some part of your mind has memorized word for word the good bits that you've been working on forever...

and most of all, it's interesting and encouraging to see how much more one knows about the world than one did (not just this world, but that one, I mean).

2) It's also discouraging to see that one ever thought this was fabulous. Ah ca.

I don't regret any of the time I spent, or the sheets upon sheets upon sheets of paper that I've used, figuring out her world. The work I've done on it over all these years, when I truly didn't know anything about what I was doing, what the tone was, what the rules were, etc. - is starting to pay off now. Golly - I've been with this world for...eleven years! No wonder it's just a teeeensy bit more fleshed out now than it was when I was a Sophomore in high school! So that's encouraging. Even if my first attempts at writing in that world are painfully out of place. It's rather like a first year French student attempting to translate Hugo during her second week of classes. Ha. But we grow and learn and hopefully keep learning.

So few days left 'til school. Strangely surrealistic. It always is. And then one adjusts within the first half-hour back...and then it becomes surrealistic again around 2:30 when you go home...and then the next day the students arrive and it's business as usual. It's awfully tempting, since I'll have all the Freshmen, to do something to really psych them out on the first day of classes...but, alas, no. I simply can't find my Groucho Marx glasses.

Still praying over that special intention. However, I'm growing more and more excited about the prospect so...who knows? Well, obviously, God does - hence the praying. His will, not mine. And I'm more concerned that I may be romanticizing the whole idea, which I don't want. It wouldn't be fruitful in the discernment process. ("I've been thinking about "Discerning" - I [don't] think we should do it." Curious how things come around and thwack you upside the head, but not in either direction one was expecting. God: The Lord of Surprises.)

Und now ve tanz! I know I've been ending a lot on that - but it seems to sum up a lot. As in, "OK. I've no clue what I'm doing. But I'll just do the next thing in front of me. I'm not God; I've no control over the world, but I can make my little corner of it brighter or darker. What shall I do? I'll dance!" David before the Ark, non?

Diet Coke time. Time to try another approach to something either literary or musical. Mustn't waste what precious time I have being something other than creative. However, as much as I enjoy the Triplets of Bellevue CD, the second half is rather weird and I think I'm going to turn it off and find something a bit more neo-Classical. Hmmm...what Handel CD's do I have hanging around?

Mood: Odd. It's a weird day outside - not quite sunny, not quite rainy - and I can't see most of it anyway. I think I'd best betake myself and longhand it outside so that I'm not tempted to the internet or freecell (darn you, 66% score!).
Music: Regarde en haute
Thought: Ich habe piano musick zum "De-Lovely"! BOO-yeah!