60 to 0 in two seconds flat

So, I come out of today after drama rehearsal and a full day of school (with a five minute break to visit Jesus!), and it's gorgeous, windy, leaves everywhere, that promise of perennial autumn, and I even drop by the bank and put my check in my account rather than waiting a day or two, and I'm thinking, "Hey! I'll go home, take a quick walk around the block, and then finish up Pirates stuff for tonight's meeting, and gee I hope I have time to continue the tango and will I have to buy the Chocolat CD again because I can't find mine and I wonder when I can see Lost in Translation" when I walk up the stairs to get myself a chicken sandwich and water and to say hullo to my family, when I'm accosted by Mom who's all weepy - understandably, alas - because Dad can't get his act together to get a job, the economy is crap, Mom is afraid of going to work and leaving Peter in school, I need to give over more or less all my money to help pay the mortgage, Jules is only working occasionally and...*fffffffffffffffffffffffft*

The happiness is gone.

Which really stinks. I mean, it's been a while since I've been utterly, utterly content, and happy and outdoorsy feeling and.... It's not that I blame Mom at all. These concerns are REAL concerns. In fact, we're really in a bad way. And I'll just have to sit down and budget myself out but.... Gah. It's rather like the mini version of my ninth birthday when we received the eviction notice from our landlords. Yeah. It's like someone coming in and cutting the strings of Simon and Garfunkle's guitar in the middle of their singing Feeling Groovy.

And you know what the saddest part is? That I'm so completely selfish that my first gut reaction is: "How can I make sure I still have internet access?" Isn't that pathetic? And yet, not entirely unreasonable, considering most of my work is done on-line. Gah. This is ridikulewakle.

I wish:
* That Dad would get off his blooming arse and get a menial job or two just to help pay bills
* That my other family members would do the same
* That my own college bills were less and my paycheck more
* And/or Niamh would do so well this would be a moot point
* That I didn't have this feeling that I'm going to be the sole support of my family before long
* That I wasn't a woozle when it comes to relating
* That I was more enthusiastic about Pirates
* That I weren't such a moronic fraidycat
* That I weren't so selfish all the time
* That the economy would just shape up
* That I could better practice what I preach
* That I had a shoulder of my own to cry on
* That I weren't such a sap.

Blaugh. Lord...? Amen.

Mood: Crushed.
Music: None. See above. ;P
Thought: Darn it, I'm gonna make that phone call that I need to make, and go for that walk and do my work. Just do the next thing. And remember to pray for this. Miracles have happened before for us. Miracles will happen again.
Residual Silly Happiness: I love this character!

You're Francis Flute! "Nay, faith, let me not
play a woman; I have a beard coming."


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